Dear Abby: Concerns About a Wedding Reception

My son and his fiancée are set to marry in a few months. They’re planning a small reception—just close friends and family.

Unfortunately, this means my late father’s second wife, “Bonnie,” won’t be invited.

There’s nothing seriously wrong with Bonnie, but she’s struggled with mental health issues for years, which has caused some tension within the family.

She hasn’t made much effort to welcome my son’s fiancée into their lives, and as a result, he doesn’t really want to include her.

I understand his choice, but it puts me in a tricky spot. Although Bonnie and I aren’t very close, we’re pretty much all she has. After her father passed away a few years back, I’ve always promised to include her in family gatherings and celebrations.

Bonnie can be a bit sensitive, and I worry she might feel hurt when she finds out she’s not invited. She’s aware that my son is engaged, but I’m not sure when they’ll actually get married.

Now, I’m really struggling with how to tell her. Please help. – The mother of the groom

Dear Mom:

You don’t have a close relationship with Bonnie. Remember, this is his wedding reception, not yours. It might be best to take a step back.

When Bonnie discovers she hasn’t been invited, it might remind her that the guest list is already very limited. If she takes issue with it, she should really discuss it with your son.

Dear Abby: Family Strife After My Remarriage

It’s been ten years since my husband passed away after 45 years of marriage.

My daughter introduced me to a dating site, and I ended up meeting a man I really connected with, leading to marriage. Since then, my son and daughter have stopped speaking to me!

I live just three miles away, and they’ve never even met my new husband. They don’t approve of my choice and have even contacted my lawyer! His response was, “Your mother is an adult; she can make her own choices.”

I’ve always been there for my kids when they needed help. Starting over is challenging for both me and my new husband, but we’re doing our best.

I love him and want my children to understand that. Although my first marriage had its ups and downs, my late husband did apologize for the hurt he caused me before his death.

How can I reconnect with my children and introduce my new husband? He sees how sad this situation makes me. – Hope in California

Dear Hope:

From what you’ve shared, it seems you’ve made a thoughtful choice in marrying your new husband.

If this seems a bit ironic, please forgive me, but when adult children go as far as to consult a lawyer to block a parent’s marriage to someone they’ve never even met, it’s a complex situation.

Consider scheduling a session with a licensed marriage and family therapist before trying to reach out to your children.

And it’s important to use this to have an open dialogue with your legal counsel.