Dear Abby:

My son is 20 and in his final year at university. He’s been dating a girl for about a year and a half, and he plans to propose. The problem is, my wife and I don’t get along with her at all. She has many health issues and is on eight different medications daily. Because of her health, she often lacks the energy to do much, especially when she visits us. She used to work at a grocery store, walking 10-12 miles a day, but left that job for one at an ice cream shop, which is less physically demanding.

Recently, we met up at my other son’s house, but she couldn’t make it because she was too worn out. My wife shot a message to my son that read, “Really? Scooping ice cream?” Unfortunately, my girlfriend had to use my son’s phone and saw that message. It hurt her feelings, and now she wants nothing to do with us. They still expect us to foot the bill for their wedding and for gas money to visit her parents almost daily. We do want to support our son, but, well, it’s complicated. I have a lot to say here. Please help. – More dads

Dear Dad:

If your son’s fiancé is on eight medications, it’s pretty clear she’s dealing with significant health problems. Her fatigue is likely related to these issues. It’s understandable that she feels hurt by your wife’s remarks. If you truly want to support your son, an apology is in order.

Furthermore, if your son is not financially stable, he should realize that marriage entails a lot of responsibility. While his fiancé might want to contribute, her financial situation is likely precarious, and any further health issues could complicate everything even more. Given the circumstances, maybe it’s wise to consider postponing the wedding.

Dear Abby:

My brother has three grown children. When his youngest daughter got married a few years back, my sisters and I were left off the guest list for the bridal shower. They claimed it was a matter of cost, but it really stung. I know their other aunt was included.

Should I bring this up with my brother? I’m concerned because his eldest daughter is engaged now, and it seems likely my sister and I could be excluded again. I can’t help but wonder if they dislike us or if something else is at play. I don’t recall discussing any issues with their family. Should I just let it go? – Not invited to Pennsylvania

Dear Invited:

Rather than wait and speculate, you should reach out to your brother and congratulate him on his daughter’s engagement. While chatting, express that you and your sisters would love to attend the bridal shower. His reaction will give you some insight into the situation. If it seems like there’s still a barrier, perhaps that’s worth exploring further to understand if there’s any reason for the distance.