Dear AbbyMy son is a sophomore in college. He has been dating a girl he met at school for almost a year. Her family is not on speaking terms with her anymore for reasons I don’t know. I took her on a family trip but she later told my son that she doesn’t think I like her.
I am facing some problems when I visit my son at school because it is his alma mater. When I am at school, my daughter attends all dinners and family events whether she is invited or not and I also pay for them. My son invited my daughter to our house without my permission but I don’t want her to come. How can I tell my son that I don’t want my daughter to come here without causing major problems in my relationship with him? — Dissenting Mothers of Ohio
Dear Mom: Teach your son good manners by telling him that you don’t want anyone at family events or dinners without first asking her to be a part of it. Even if he likes her, she’s not part of the family yet. Make sure he knows that it’s not that you dislike her, but that this is just a formality you want him to observe. You two weren’t bought as a set.
P.S.: The fact that her family won’t talk to her is a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. Discuss it with your son right away.
Dear Abby: I am concerned that my son in law is emotionally abusing my daughter, who has always been a bit shy but able to assert her opinions.
Recently we were driving to a new destination and my wife was using Google Maps. It showed we had arrived at the destination but we didn’t see it. We turned back and her husband was able to find it. He then scolded my daughter for not being prepared and not knowing the location. None of us had been there before and we were following an app that worked. My wife apologized to her husband.
I wanted to say something but the last time I did she got angry at me. I can see her confidence is gone. She needs to stand up to him. There are so many other examples. How can I help her to return to being the strong, confident woman she was before? I don’t think counseling will help. She doesn’t understand what is happening to her. — My mom saw it in California
Dear Mom: Talk to your daughter privately. Tell her you’re worried that she’s become a different person than she used to be. Share with her examples of the abuse you’ve witnessed and ask her if she really thinks she deserved it. If she agrees, offer to (secretly) pay for her to speak to a licensed counselor. Then hope that she accepts your offer and acts without keeping her husband in the dark.
Dear Abby: Unfortunately, I was involved in a traffic accident. (The other party was found to be at fault.) After the accident, the other driver was bleeding and had cuts. I broke a few ribs. Would it be okay if I contacted the other driver to see how he was? At the scene of the accident, they were very polite and I thought they were really nice people. — Broke in North Carolina
To the Broken You: We know your intentions are good, but before you contact this kind person, it would be wise to consult with an attorney to avoid any legal repercussions that you may regret later.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and launched by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
