Care and Feeding is a parenting advice column. Got a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My wife, whom I’ll call “Electra,” is reacting very strongly to something seemingly innocent. Last weekend, our 8-year-old son, “Dion,” and his buddy, “Mason” (who is also 8), were out playing in the woods behind our house. They found a pond there where they enjoy catching frogs, and they had just captured one when Mason pulled something from his bag.
It turned out to be a firecracker. Mason then put it in the frog’s mouth, lit the fuse, and the frog exploded. Just as this was happening, our 12-year-old daughter came looking for them. She later told my wife, who promptly took Mason home, talked to his parents about the incident, and said he could no longer play with Dion.
I’ve tried to reason with her—I even mentioned that, yes, I did similar things when I was a kid—but she insists that Mason should never be allowed in our home again. I can understand maybe implementing a timeout for a month, but this feels excessive to me.
—Bullfrog Blow Up (Literally)
Dear Bullfrog,
Honestly, I can see both sides here. It’s definitely not good what those kids did—it goes beyond just being a silly stunt. But on some level, kids often treat small animals like toys, and that doesn’t automatically mean they’re on a path to serious issues later in life.
The main question here isn’t really about whether Mason and Dion should ever meet again, but how the boys feel about the incident. Are they remorseful? Do they get why this behavior is unacceptable? Have they shown any intention of not repeating this? If they acknowledge their mistake, then I think they should be allowed to play again, though maybe after a cooling-off period with some adult supervision.
—Ben
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