Dear Abby: My stepdaughter “Zoe” recently gave birth to her first baby and we are so excited. She lives far away. Her husband “Karl” is going on a trip, but I have to stay over because her elderly mother lives with us. I have asked my family to stay with her mother, but they are caught up in their busy lives and her mother clings to me.
I called other relatives to congratulate them on being a new aunt, etc., but no one answered. One of them then reluctantly told me that she had been told that she was not a grandmother (even though Zoe's biological mother had passed away) and that I had no intention of being one either.
This is bittersweet. I don't want to take anyone's place. I've always wanted to have grandchildren. I have known Carl for over 20 years. I was devastated. No photos were sent to me, but when I was planning Zoe's wedding from soup to nuts, we were in constant contact and I thought we were getting closer and closer. I'm afraid not.
How do I navigate this? My mother-in-law can't join me in visiting the baby, she barely speaks anymore, and she's very nosey. Should I just pretend to care and watch from a distance like a bystander? — abandoned in new york
dear cast aside: I wish you mentioned who in the family told others not to consider you the baby's grandmother. Could it have been Zoe's mother? If so, there seems to be some jealousy on her part and an overt attempt to isolate you.
Since you are a child's STEP-grandmother, you need to share photos. I hope Carl tells his daughter this and tells her daughter how much the treatment you've been through has hurt her. What happened was unjust. The more love the better in this world, so labels should be used to include rather than isolate.
dear abby: My friend often complains that she and her husband don't have any other friends, but I don't know why. She doesn't know what to say, although she knows why.
Her husband is a kind man, but a long talker, leading all conversations and boasting about himself and his acquaintances. I think he's doing this to impress people, but he actually repulses people. He does the same thing every time and I have witnessed men walk away and distance themselves from him. This includes my husband.
She wants her husband to be closer to her, but he can't stand her because of it. So, should you be honest and tell her what her deal is? She doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Or should she continue to pretend she doesn't know? — Find out why in New Jersey.
Dear you all know: I think if you say the following things to a woman, you'll end up attracting her. If you want to know her reasons, I'll tell you. ” If she says yes, explain that you really like her. But her husband's need to dominate her conversations and boast about his accomplishments, net worth, etc. (filling in the blanks for her) drives people away.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
