Dear Abby
I’ve been with my wife for 40 years—32 of those as a married couple. I really tried to be a good boyfriend, fiancé, husband, and father to our two adult children. I still do my best, even now.
Things seemed great until about ten years ago, when my wife went through menopause. That’s when everything began to shift. I realized how tough this transition can be for women, and I did all I could to support her. I was patient, really, but now, years later, she seems completely different. She’s the most unhappy and distant person I know today.
There’s no physical affection, and she avoids spending time with me. Honestly, she seems to criticize everything I do and argues with nearly everything I say. Is this typical? Am I in a bad relationship now? I feel too old to start over. I still care about her, but her harshness is making it hard for me to stay in this marriage. – Frustrated in Pennsylvania
Dear Frustrated:
Menopause can be a tough experience, but that doesn’t mean a woman loses her kindness or becomes abusive. There seems to be more going on here than just hormonal changes. I can’t say exactly what that is, and it sounds like you’re unsure, too.
Has your wife’s doctor looked into what may have triggered this sudden personality shift? A complete physical checkup could be a solid first step. If your marriage is going to work, I’d suggest both of you seek help from a marriage and family therapist. If she’s hesitant, you might consider starting therapy on your own. Through counseling, she may come to realize that separation could be just as difficult as you feel it might be for her. The key is to avoid just keeping things as they are.
Dear Abby
I have an extensive collection of T-shirts—sports teams, schools, concerts, pop culture, and even some souvenirs from vacations. I wear one every day when I work out at the gym.
Recently, I was sporting a Princeton T-shirt that my cousin gave me as a gift. I really like it; the bold orange lettering against a black background is striking. But while wearing it, a few strangers looked at me and remarked, “You didn’t go there!” I didn’t attend Princeton, but I thought that comment was rude. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I kept wondering if I should have responded. What do you think? – Surprised in California
Dear Surprised:
The individual likely wanted to provoke a conversation, but you handled it well by not engaging. I would have probably chosen the same route. If I encounter them again, I’d likely keep my distance.
