How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I’m in a bit of a tricky situation. My wife can’t have sex right now, and, well, I’m looking to improve myself in the meantime. When she’s ready to return, I want to surprise her with my newfound skills.
My goal is to enhance my stamina so that I can last longer when we’re finally together again. I’ve even gotten a Fleshlight to help me practice, but I’m still curious about how adult film stars manage to maintain their performance. What’s their secret?
Do they use specific exercises to boost stamina? Are there techniques they apply during sex to manage excitement? Or, is it largely about clever editing and changing positions? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
—Training to Last
Dear Training to Last,
Male adult film performers tend to be pretty tight-lipped about their techniques. What I’ve learned suggests that each performer has unique methods, which often boil down to advanced versions of common advice for men dealing with premature ejaculation.
You’re on the right track thinking about porn as a form of entertainment. It’s not exactly that switching positions creates an illusion of longer performance, but rather that it helps interrupt the cycle of stimulation that could lead to orgasm. If the action slows down just before climax, it also helps. Taking a moment to focus on other types of stimulation, like giving oral pleasure or exploring other areas of your wife’s body, can serve the same purpose.
To be completely clear, yes, elements like cuts and creative editing can rescue a scene that doesn’t quite hit the mark, but generally, professional filming goes smoothly. The real challenge often arises when they need to climax in a way that looks good on camera. If you want to see what male performers do when they need a break, try watching complete scenes rather than just the highlight reel. Look closely at how they manage their energy resets.
Remember, performers focus on what looks appealing rather than simply what feels best, and they aim for the duration needed for a scene rather than a pure erotic experience. Sure, they want to showcase pleasure, but the primary goal is somewhat different from what you might prioritize during intimate moments at home.
If it helps, getting a quick second erection after ejaculation is beneficial, so you might want to have a quick solo session or avoid requiring an erection during the recovery phase. You can practice by redirecting your focus away from your penis, maybe think about a random topic or explore other sensations during intimacy. With your Fleshlight, you can work on identifying the point of no return and learning to pull back from it to improve your performance when you’re finally back with your wife. If you’re still looking for professional tips, my former colleague Erik Everhard has a coaching program called The Everhard Academy which might be useful.
—Jessica
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