Dear Abby: I’ve been married for 31 years. I love my wife, but we’ve become more like roommates than anything else. Honestly, we’re not really soulmates. We both see that there are hardly any couples who achieve that.
About three years ago, though, I met someone I truly connect with. The chemistry was undeniable from the start, and we’ve been “dating” in a way, though nothing physical has happened—no holding hands or anything like that. Our connection is amazing: we have these intense, profound conversations. I’ve never had a friendship quite like it. I’m sure it’s not a midlife crisis, although it might sound like one. The chemistry is just… there. I’ve never cheated on my wife, nor do I want to. That’s just not who I am. But I feel like something is missing.
It seems the ethical choice would be to stick with my current situation, but I’m not convinced that would lead to the best happiness for everyone involved. At 60, I realize if I let go of this connection and stay with my wife, I may end up regretting it deeply. This internal struggle is kind of torturous. Do you have any thoughts? – Confusing in Pennsylvania
Dear Confusing: I wish you had shared whether your “soulmate” is married or how she feels about you. What about your wife—does she know you have these deep conversations with someone else? How does she feel about it?
You mentioned that you’re happy in your marriage and love your wife. A good way to figure out your future might be to seek help from a licensed marriage and family therapist together. That could help explore ways to reignite what brought you two together originally.
Dear Abby: Our 40-year-old son has turned into someone who seems completely narcissistic. He blames us—and his sister, and our spouses—for the family rift that’s been going on for two years. He lies about us and even keeps us from our granddaughters. Every attempt to reach out has been met with harsh, offensive texts.
He went through a tough divorce and complicated custody issues, and during that time, we did our best to support him emotionally and financially. Now he seems to be happily remarried, but he still denies us access to our daughter. We’re heartbroken. This isn’t how we raised him. What can we do? – Confused in North Carolina
Dear Confusing: You mentioned your son is “probably happily” remarried. Does his new wife have any influence on this division? It sounds like he’s struggling mentally after the divorce, and he’s placing blame on you, your husband, his sister, and her husband. Some family counseling might help heal these wounds, but that would require him to recognize that it’s needed.
