Dear Abby: Family Conflict and Wedding Woes
Dear Abby: I’ve been happily married for three decades. However, my wife’s family, which includes two older sisters and her 97-year-old mother, has not only rejected me but has now turned against my wife as well. My relationship with my stepmother is okay, but her sisters are another story.
Recently, her sisters relocated our mother-in-law to a nursing home without telling us. They even invited us to tour the place, but by the time we found out, everything was already signed. The facility is two hours from her previous home, which means she will have to give up her long-standing job as a doctor and her social life. Living in a bustling city made it easy to find nearby options, but they chose otherwise.
Starting over is tough, no matter your age. My mother-in-law feels depressed about this sudden change. I’m not entirely sure if she was in a place to make such a significant decision. A lawsuit seems pointless and costly. I know getting angry at my wife’s sisters is a waste of energy, but I can’t just suppress this frustration either. Unless there’s a better way to handle this, it feels like we’re just looking for reassurance that our anger is understandable, even if we don’t act on it. — Pennsylvania upset
Dear Upset: If your sister-in-law holds power of attorney for your mother-in-law, who clearly needs more care at her age, relocating her to an assisted living facility seems reasonable. Most of her friends are probably gone by now, so it makes sense for her to be somewhere your sister-in-law can frequently visit.
It would’ve been considerate to keep your wife informed about the move. Still, given the tension between her and her sisters, that’s probably not surprising. You’re both entitled to your feelings. However, don’t let them dictate your lives.
Dear Abby: “Cherries” and “Robert,” who have been good friends of ours for 35 years, just announced their daughter’s wedding. Our kids grew up together, but they won’t be attending due to work or other family obligations. While invitations haven’t gone out yet, we know the date and venue. My husband and I will be attending.
Cherise called me today, clearly upset about this. Our kids have gone their separate ways for 20 years now, and they likely won’t ever meet again. My son had planned a wedding a while back, but it fell through due to COVID. Cherries’ family declined at that time, which I totally get. But I’m puzzled by Cherise’s strong reaction. I keep my kids in the dark about this to spare their feelings. Should I just let this go? — Thrown into Oregon
Dear Sloan: Yes, please let it be. Your children are adults with their own lives. You can’t control their choices, and trying to do so isn’t fair. While it’s unfortunate that Cherries are upset, your kids aren’t responsible. They’re not as close as Cherise believes, and she will have to come to terms with that.
