For many singles, a date can simply be an exciting evening with no long-term expectations.
However, for those seeking love in the Big Apple, that “it’s me, not you” text can sting, especially after what seems like a perfect day.
Some enthusiastic daters engage in “marathon dates,” which can stretch from four to ten hours.
They enjoy meals, have drinks, explore the city—just being free-spirited companions.
No more airing grievances, though.
Jose, a pilot from Queens, shared that he spent over $900 after taking a woman on a five-hour private flight to Niagara Falls.
“My heart has been broken for a week, but my wallet is still sore,” the 23-year-old lamented regarding the marathon dates that started with “instant chemistry” on Hinge.
He found it puzzling when she expressed disdain for ghosting, calling it “lame.”
Other frustrated men have taken to TikTok to voice their experiences.
Shane Vasser, a photographer who recently moved from the Bay Area to New York, mentioned that his last date lasted over eight hours.
Just to put things in perspective, that’s about twice the time it takes to run a marathon.
The 27-year-old Chelsea resident and his match kicked things off with coffee and pastries in the West Village.
“We opened a bottle of wine, and four hours later, we were still deep in conversation,” Vasser recalled.
They then continued their outing, heading to a favorite local spot where they lounged in hammocks, chatting under the stars.
They moved to another hangout, ordered drinks but got too caught up in conversation to finish them.
By the time he got home, it was already 4 a.m.
He was awakened by a disheartening “We’re not a match” text from a whimsical friend.
“It was my first marathon date in years, and it really threw me for a loop,” he said. “That’s wild.”
Despite the rejection, he found a silver lining, gaining 13 new clients after sharing his date story on TikTok.
And he is optimistic—after all, there are plenty of people out there.
“I was let down initially. They seemed like my type—stylish and outgoing,” he said.
David, a 29-year-old artist from Bed-Stuy, also had a disappointing outcome.
After a fun day visiting the Natural History Museum, strolling through Central Park, and enjoying ramen, he ended up ghosted for two weeks, only to receive a text that read, “I don’t feel a romantic vibe, but let’s be friends.”
“That’s the last time I plan a big day for a first date,” he said.
Experts suggest managing expectations to avoid disappointment.
Matchmaker Brain Anderson advises keeping first dates short, promoting a “go with the flow” attitude.
“Marathon dates can be risky; it’s better to treat the first meeting as a vibe check, especially when meeting online,” Anderson noted. “You should connect and gauge interest, then decide how to proceed.”
In the end, it’s all about reality. If there’s a strong connection, then great, but if not, it may be time to take a step back.
For some, marathon dates aren’t bleak. The excitement can still be appealing.
Joony, a 28-year-old Staten Island resident, believes they can be enjoyable, saying, “If both are eager, the energy can be beautiful.”
“I personally find that spending more time together can lead to that romantic NYC vibe,” he added.
But Anderson points out that the city’s fast-paced nature can create unrealistic expectations, often intensified by dating apps.
She noted, “The choice paradox is a real issue. Apps like Hinge can give you the sense that you’re better than ever, which can feel overwhelming in a city like New York.”
Ultimately, there are no guarantees. Many singles still grapple with the pressure of initial dates.
Her advice? Consider your feelings and let go of worrying about how others perceive you.
“It’s really out of your hands,” she said. “And it’s not worth dwelling on during your dating journey.”
