Rising parental anxiety is creating “the next generation of helicopter parents” of college students, a psychotherapist told Fox News Digital, and others agreed that, however well-intentioned, it could be harmful in the long run.
“There is no doubt [that] “Parents are more anxious and intrusive than ever before,” Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist in Manhattan and Washington, D.C., and author of “Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days,” told Fox News Digital in an email on Tuesday.
Some parents are “using the app to track their kids and get in touch with professors,” Alpert said.
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As college classes resume, social media is flooded with posts from anxious parents wondering whether they should call their child's resident assistant, intervene in a roommate issue, or even drive to campus so their child can make friends.
In an August 29 post on Reddit's r/College page, a person claiming to be a freshman at Yale University detailed how her parents kept “constant watch” over her, even setting her bedtime.
Social media has been flooded with posts from both parents and students detailing behavior by Fox News Digital that several mental health experts say is preventing children from developing as adults. (iStock)
“In my dorm, we have a rule that we have to be in bed by 10pm every night. I deal with this situation by switching my location on Find My to an iPad I keep in my dorm and turning off location on Life 360,” said Reddit user “Sageshrub,” a location-sharing app.
Sage-Shrub wrote that when she didn't answer her phone, her mother “called the school police, who located me.”
“She then emailed the dean and asked me to leave,” she said, adding, “Her controlling behavior has left me feeling very anxious and depressed. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can finally find peace?”
“Does anyone have any ideas on what we can do to finally get some peace?”
Fox News Digital has reached out to Sageshrub for an update.
Such excesses by parents are not entirely unheard of, Alpert said.
“In my own experience, many parents have contacted me on behalf of their young adult children, trying to schedule therapy appointments,” he says, adding that this behavior is rooted in parental anxiety rather than the young adult's inability to make an appointment.
One therapist said parents should “strike a balance” between tracking their children's behavior and helping them develop into independent adults. (iStock)
“Many parents who have strong emotional ties to their children may feel a similarly strong sense of loss when their children go off to college,” Alpert said.
Using the app to track their children gives parents “a sense of control and security, which can help ease anxiety,” the report said.
He suggests parents “strike a balance” – allowing their children to grow up as independent adults.
One thing modern parents are experiencing is “worry about worry, or worry about the possibility of worrying,” Jennifer L. Hartstein, Psy.D., of New York-based Hartstein Psychological Services, told Fox News Digital.
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“The problem ultimately spills over to their college-aged children and causes anxiety for them as well,” she said in an email.
It's “normal” for young people to go through what's called an “adjustment period” when they first start college, when they feel “anxious, sad, or have trouble settling down.” Hartstein said, “Many parents react strongly to this and feel like their child is really struggling, rather than just weathering the typical reactions to novelty and change.”
“It's normal for new students to struggle, but having parents step in and solve the problems doesn't help young people grow,” one psychologist said. (iStock)
These parents try to “jump in” and solve the problem, but in doing so they hinder “growth, learning and resilience.”
“It may seem easier for parents to intervene and it certainly reduces parental anxiety, but in reality it's a real disservice to the young person,” she said.
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Instead, “parents need to slow down, take control of their own reactions, and help teach and guide their children rather than doing it for them,” Hartstein says.
But for some freshmen, parents are just keeping an eye on them as they always have.
“Helicopter parent for years.”
Parents who engage in these behaviors “are preventing their children from learning how to become independent adults,” Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medicine and host of the “How Can I Help?” podcast, told Fox News Digital in an email.
“Children's Success [are] It's a reflection of their own psyche of overly cautious parenting, and their children's struggles mean they're not parenting well enough.”
Saltz says that many of these parents “have spent years being helicopter parents, smoothing the way for their kids and helping them avoid mistakes and failures.” [and] Dealing with the problems that children encounter.”
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Being helicopter parents with successful kids is a core part of their identity, she explained. [are] It's a reflection of their own psyche of overly cautious parenting, and their children's struggles mean they're not parenting well enough.”
But raising young people this way does not prepare them to be successful adults.
Many “helicopter parents” consider having successful children to be part of their identity, said the associate professor of psychiatry. (iStock)
An independent, functioning adult is someone who “makes mistakes, learns how to bounce back from them, and has confidence in their ability to manage their life,” she said.
This means kids can learn from their mistakes and gain confidence in their academic abilities, which can't happen if parents are constantly monitoring their kids and editing their homework.
“The reality that parents have created is for the first time for children to have to navigate both the physical and emotional challenges that pose challenges for them,” Saltz said.
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The fear that a child will struggle, combined with the near certainty that something will go wrong the first time a child is on their own, “leads to extreme helicopter control in college,” Saltz says.
“Don't lose teenagers.”
Alpert told Fox News Digital that parents who send their children to college “need to understand that they're not losing their teenager,” adding that “if their kid goes to college, it's a sign that they did everything right.”
Parents “should educate their children well and trust that they will know how to deal with the many challenges that await them in the future, and that this is part of character development.”
“Trust me, you have taught your child well, and he or she will know how to handle the many challenges that lie ahead.”
Those struggling with these feelings “should reframe it and see it as progress and achievement,” he said.
Additionally, Alpert says the “next generation of helicopter parents” need to work on their own mental health: “Remember, stress can be contagious, and naturally kids will want to comfort their parents,” he says.
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Kids who feel responsible for easing their parents' anxieties may have trouble adjusting to college life, Alpert said.
“It can also put children in a tough situation where they have to choose between respecting their parents' feelings and going out and experiencing independence,” he said.
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Instead, Alpert says anxious parents should reach out to other parents for support.
“They will understand your emotions and be each other's best buddies through this change,” he said.
