Nikki Packer’s Journey Through Legal Turmoil

“I really hate sitting quietly right now,” Nikki Packer expresses. The silence around her brings back unsettling memories of a police cell, a place she was taken to following the traumatic experience of a stillbirth.

She was arrested at the hospital by a police officer while still recovering from surgery, accused of having an illegal abortion. It took over four years for her case to be brought to trial, and just last week, she was found innocent by the judge.

Packer, now 46, faced charges for “illegal administration of poison or other harmful substances” with the intent to cause a miscarriage after taking abortion pills prescribed by a legitimate provider during a community lockdown in November 2020.

Subsequent emergency laws permitted medications to be mailed for abortion procedures up to 10 weeks into pregnancy. In Packer’s case, she continued with a delivery estimated to be around 26 weeks pregnant. Prosecutors claimed she took the medication knowing she was beyond the 10-week mark. Packer, however, consistently denied this allegation.

Even though she might be seen as innocent now, Packer feels like she has changed permanently. Her trust in medical systems has taken a hit. “Now, I’m nervous about seeking medical assistance,” she admits.

During her trial, prosecutors suggested she was not truthful when she informed medical staff, who then called the police. “But didn’t they really help me?” she questions, reflecting on her experience. Her trust in the police has evaporated; when her phone died, she approached a intoxicated man for help instead of an officer.

She recognizes that she hasn’t fully processed everything that happened. A few days after the verdict, she admitted, “I’m still running on adrenaline.” She’s seeking clarity from the Crown Prosecutor’s Office and the Metropolitan Police regarding the events that led to her charges.

“There were alternatives,” she reflects. “I could have been allowed to recover at home, without the legal necessity of being taken straight to a police station.”

She recalls the horror of being transported from the hospital to the police station. With no car available, she was placed in a police van, where she felt uncomfortable and unwell. “I had to sit on a wooden board, and during custody, my medication wasn’t administered on time, but apparently that wasn’t a priority,” she shared.

Packer described her state during that period: “I was still in pain. I was tired and weak, mentally overwhelmed, and I didn’t fully grasp what was happening.” The prosecution loomed over her life for nearly six months. “You keep going through the motions, but you’re not really all there,” she reflects.

After roughly six hours of jury deliberation, she was acquitted. “Getting that verdict was amazing,” she stated, recognizing the strain of the last four and a half years. “I don’t know if I can say it was worth it, but it’s a relief to be found innocent by a unanimous decision from the jury.”

Packer spent a substantial amount on her defense, receiving some support through crowdfunding. “I read the comments, and it helped to see so many people believed what I went through was wrong,” she noted.

Before her case even reached court, her lawyer, Fiona Hollick KC, asked about her biggest fears. “The thought of going to prison was terrifying,” she shared. What followed that fear was the anxiety of having to testify in front of a room full of strangers.

Packer had the option to plead guilty at one point, but it never crossed her mind. “It wasn’t true, and I just couldn’t see myself doing that,” she stated firmly.

While her case lingered, she learned about Carla Foster, another woman who had been convicted for an illegal abortion and faced time in prison before her sentence was suspended. “I was furious about what she went through. She spent 35 days in jail—what good did that do? It just seems pointless, really,” Packer said.

This situation forced Packer to confront fears she had never anticipated. “How do you prepare for the worst?” she pondered. “Do I just cancel everything? What would I even do? I’ve never been in this situation before.” Her mind wavered between reassurance and the reality that anything could still happen.

As the trial approached, details of her personal life emerged, including her involvement in the BDSM community. “It felt completely unnecessary, and it made things look worse for no reason,” she remarked. An intimate photo of her was shown in court, which was extremely humiliating for her.

“It was very upsetting to have to present such personal evidence,” she explained, “but I knew that I had to get through it because I believed it was right to fight this.” The judge found her story valid, and after deliberation, he ruled in her favor.

Packer expressed gratitude for the not-guilty verdict but acknowledged that the last few years had been harrowing. “I don’t know if it made it all worthwhile, but hearing I was acquitted was relief,” she added.

Now that her name is cleared, she’s advocating for abortion law reform. Upcoming congressional votes this summer might pave the way for changes in legislation concerning abortion.

“We need to change the law,” she said. “Abortion is healthcare—it shouldn’t be treated any differently.” Packer warned that this could happen to anyone, which she finds truly frightening. “It’s a tragedy that, despite all of this, the law remains unchanged.” She aims to be the last woman in the UK prosecuted for abortion-related charges.

Packer is determined to use her voice for those facing similar plights, emphasizing that it’s not worth such suffering. But what comes next for her? “That’s a great question,” she confesses. “I need to rediscover who I am.” During her wait for trial, she found solace in familiar music and shows, although she struggled with certain themes that hit too close to home.

“I had to turn off ‘Orange is the New Black’ because it all felt too real,” she admitted. “Yet, surprisingly, I started rewatching it last night.” It seems that the journey of healing is ongoing, filled with layers of complexity and personal reckoning.