Kami Walker’s mornings are a whirlwind, filled with getting her kids ready for school and replying to her mother’s punctual check-in emails. It’s always something, and these days, her mom’s main concern revolves around making sure her grandkids, Lulu (12) and Nico (14), are properly dressed for the biting winter weather.
While some parents may find a “helicopter” grandparent a bit intrusive, Walker embraces the concept. She describes herself as a helicopter mom, too, saying that it’s all part of a supportive parenting dynamic. “I see it as an extension of attachment parenting,” she shared. “You want to be involved in your kids’ lives so they feel successful and grow.”
It’s not just about the random texts regarding snow boots either. Walker and her mother, who lives in Upper Manhattan, actively collaborate on parenting duties, even though her mom primarily works from home. “She’s involved in all our kids’ school projects, seeks advice from the pediatrician at every visit, and even handles buying my son’s clothes, which I don’t mind at all,” Walker explained, balancing her role as a business owner who assists families with hosting au pairs.
“We have a really collaborative relationship; no one’s overstepping their bounds,” she added.
This inclusive approach to parenting is becoming more common across the U.S., gaining attention thanks to social media and anecdotes like those from momfluencer Sera Victor, who humorously critiques her own mother’s tendency to push boundaries with her grandchildren.
Peter Shankman, a single father from Hell’s Kitchen, finds encouragement in having his family nearby. He’s thankful for the close relationship he has with his daughter Jessa, who’s 12, though the dynamics can be interesting at times. He chuckled about how, when Jessa was younger, he felt like he was just delivering her to his parents’ apartment. “They would just take her in and shut the door on me,” he recalled. “I know they love me, but the messages often skew towards, ‘Jessa, don’t forget your hat.'” He joked, “I say, ‘Sure, Mom, I’ll wear a hat too.’”
For Nancy, Jessa’s grandmother, maintaining boundaries is crucial. She’s heavily involved in her granddaughter’s life but strives to respect Peter’s role as the father. Nancy expressed, “When Jessa was born, she became my whole world. But I make sure to let Peter take the lead. That’s really important.”
Everyone on Deck
Rachael Fredman, a divorced mother living on the Upper West Side with her 17-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter, also appreciates her parents’ support. “Being a single mom, I’m thankful my mom is there to provide support and suggestions on parenting,” she said, noting her parents’ hands-on approach to grandparenting.
Her mother’s involvement is seen positively; “I talk to her multiple times a day,” Fredman noted. “They both act as ‘helicopters’ in a good way.”
Meanwhile, Alex Maione, an expectant mother in Los Angeles, remarked that while some grandparent advice is helpful, it does matter to stay relevant. Sharing her experiences, she recalled how her mother adjusted to modern parenting views during her pregnancies. “She sent me Instagram clips warning about sound machines, while I was just trying to explain that some adjustments were necessary,” Maione said, chuckling at the confusion surrounding potty training advice.
Hover, Don’t Choke
Dale Atkins, a licensed psychologist in New York City, is concerned when grandparents immerse themselves too much into the day-to-day parenting. “It’s better for them to acknowledge their lack of understanding regarding current methods rather than criticize,” she advised. She encourages grandparents to stay informed for more constructive discussions.
Atkins asserted that grandparents should refrain from micromanaging decisions and focus on supporting their children’s choices, despite the negative connotations associated with being a “helicopter grandparent.”
Lexi Monte Busch, a mother of two young children, believes that parents should feel free to navigate their parenting journey without fears of doing it wrong. Living with her family after a wildfire disaster, she feels fortunate to have more hands on deck, especially with her father’s pediatric expertise just down the hall.
“Having a child development specialist around is invaluable,” she said. “If you’re not a helicopter grandparent, do you even care enough?” Her sentiment reflected a common view among her friends, who feel their parents aren’t active participants in caregiving.
Ultimately, both parents and grandparents want the best outcomes for children. “If having extra support means you’re better equipped for those teachable moments, that’s a huge advantage,” Busch remarked, brightening as she told a story about her father’s guidance in managing her daughter’s small mishaps.
“If my parents can help alongside me, that’s like winning the lottery,” she concluded.
