Picking every NFL head coach’s alternate job based off their annual photo

March 25, 2024

The magical season has arrived again this year. Photos of NFL coaches. That once-a-year opportunity to say, “Oh yeah, that’s what he looks like” and “I can’t believe he decided to wear that.”

Check out the 2024 NFL Head Coach Glory.

This year, we’re really trying to get inside the heads of these people. Decide what makes them tick.What is the best way to do this? Arbitrarily judging their clothing and deciding what their life’s calling is? It wasn’t like that NFL head coach.

Note: Matt Eberflus, Mike McCarthy, Sean Payton, Nick Sirianni, and Mike Tomlin are not present in the photo.

Mike McDaniel: Listed as “DJ” on tax return, but actually makes money selling drugs

Dave Canales: Third real estate brother and motivational speaker

Jerrod Mayo: Dad, stay home.

Brian Daboll: Masked vigilante known as “Human Thumb”

Dan Quinn: Ex-convict hosts ‘Scared Straight’ seminars for at-risk youth

Sean McVay: Former chippendales Dancer currently operates a franchise in Biloxi, Mississippi. chippendales on a river boat

Jim Harbaugh: Pastor wood and nails, A megachurch in the Midwest with a pizza kitchen on campus

Shane Steichen: Best CPA in the tri-county area.

Andy Reid: Owner of the Best Shaved Ice Truck in the Lower 48 States

Doug Pederson: Personal Injury Attorney Specializing in Riding Lawn Mower Accidents

Robert Saleh: Owner and Operator of Bobby’s Beard Dyeing in Redondo Beach

Dan Campbell: Ham tester

Antonio Pierce: Reba McIntyre’s personal bodyguard

Sean McDermott: I take my job as local Outback manager very seriously

Dennis Allen: Undercover Agent

Kevin O’Connell: 10th grade history teacher who cooks people during a student vs. teacher basketball game

Zac Taylor: The 10th grade English teacher who is bound to be cooked by Kevin O’Connell.

John Harbaugh: A wealthy independent investor who currently works part-time in the fastener department of a hardware store “just for fun.”

Kevin Stefanski: A petrified child who wakes up in an adult body and people learn his secret

Todd Bowles: Firefighter

Mike McDonald: Firestarter

Kyle Shanahan: By day, I run a BMW shop in Carson, California.I spend my paycheck playing poker at night.

Raheem Morris: Deacon of Mount Zion Baptist Church. He works at a personal training facility.

DeMeco Lyons: Pastor of Mount Zion Baptist Church. The owner of the training facility where Deacon Morris works.

Brian Callahan: If Arthur Smith had decided not to coach and not work at FedEx.

Jonathan Gannon: An alien sent from the planet Thorasiax not to destroy Earth, but to observe it. Unfortunately, he crash landed in Jersey City and now works at Applebee’s.