This article is satire.
There’s a rather straightforward answer to the labor shortage that’s been plaguing farmers dependent on undocumented workers. It’s actually quite amusing—a woman sipping a pumpkin spice latte.
“Our hardworking farmers and those in the hospitality industry have pointed out that stringent immigration policies are stripping them of reliable labor,” read a post. A reflection of societal truth. (Related: NBC polls reveal the core opinions of educated white women)
But lo and behold, the ideal American farmer lies just around the corner. Each summer, numerous affluent white (and well-assimilated) women descend on orchards across the nation to pick peaches and snap Instagram photos. They might even pay a small fee. For example, entry at Great Country Farm in Virginia for apple picking is $14 for kids and $16 for adults. Believe it or not, farmers can actually profit from each strawberry picked. Plus, shorter kids don’t even have to bend down to reach the crops.
Roughly 42% of farm laborers lack legal working permissions in the U.S.—around 1.26 million individuals. According to estimates, there are about 100 million white women living in the country. It’s quite possible that even just 1% of them might choose to give up their well-compensated office jobs for the rewarding experience of harvesting cabbage.
Employers who are deliberately dependent on illegal immigrant labor should be in prison. Instead, are we going to step back from immigration enforcement for them? Hell no. This cannot be tolerated. pic.twitter.com/nwjeugqyy5
– Matt Walsh (@mattwalshblog) June 12, 2025
“In many instances, criminals are now allowed entry into our country due to what I consider the reckless Biden Open Borders policy,” continued Trump’s post. “This situation is unacceptable. While we need to protect our farmers, we must also drive out criminals. Change is on the horizon!”
Change, indeed. It won’t be an easy transition. Numerous farmers already employ Spanish-speaking foremen, but the workforce may expect entirely different needs. Rather than beans and rice, they might be more accustomed to items like matcha lattes and trendy Mediterranean bowls.
Then there’s the challenges with vegetables. For this to work, we’d need to create the same appealing image for lettuce and onions as apples and peaches currently enjoy. Pumpkin spice lattes? Just the beginning. Picture a squash spice latte or a cappuccino sprinkled with rutabagas. Who knows? Maybe these drinks won’t even carry the same social cachet.
No need to fret. There’s historical evidence that supports such a venture. Think about Marie Antoinette and her “decorative farm.” America’s rapidly expanding merchant class might find it thrilling to participate. Just visualize a young woman gracefully running through rows of lush soybeans instead of golden wheat. It’s a scene that could bring tears to my eyes.
Nancy Pelosi suggests that illegal immigrants are needed to work in the fields of Florida.
“We need to pick up crops here.” pic.twitter.com/g4dlyoh5ge
– Daily Caller (@dailycaller) September 30, 2022
This concept boils down to what might be called a win-win-win situation. Donald Trump stands firm on his pledge to eliminate illegal immigration. Farmers will still have enough labor without losing essential workforce. And the biggest winners? Women, who can continuously flaunt stylish social media posts while enjoying their time chatting in the fields. Plus, the physical work could very well help with their anxiety.
