A Reddit user who was accused of “ruining” her cousin’s wedding by not inviting her boyfriend was right to find the situation a bit odd and speak up about it, other Reddit users and etiquette experts said this week.
“Apparently, AITA ruined my cousin’s wedding?” Reddit user “Lusse-Eldalion” recently asked, writing in the “Am I the A–hole” (AITA) subreddit.
The woman, 28, said she is “incredibly close, like sisters” to her 26-year-old cousin, who is getting married in December.
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“We have shared everything from childhood memories to love stories. Whenever she has had her heart broken by a man, I have always been there for her and offered her a shoulder to cry on,” the woman wrote.
The Reddit poster did not reveal where they were from, but said that “everyone will pay for their own seat” at the wedding.
A cousin of a woman who is getting married later this year said she didn’t want to invite her family member’s partner to save money, but when she wrote about it on Reddit, she got the feeling something else was going on. (iStock)
The woman wrote that she has been dating her boyfriend for four years and plans to get married when she graduates from school. Her cousin has never met her boyfriend in person, “only through video calls.”
She wrote, “I had invited her to come and meet me many times, but due to her busy schedule, she was never able to come. Instead, I made an effort to travel to her city to meet her. [boyfriend]”
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“We have both been looking forward to finally meeting at her wedding and have spoken about it in our last conversation. We have been traveling the world together, making plans and dreaming of being together forever as the foursome that we always have been,” “Rousse Eldarion” wrote in the post.
“I couldn’t help but feel that this decision was made to avoid upsetting her friends.”
But apparently this isn’t going to happen.
“My mother received a call from her aunt (my cousin’s mother) with some unexpected news,” the woman wrote. “Due to budgetary reasons, they had decided not to invite the partner of a relative to the wedding, but they had decided to invite the partner of a friend.”
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This, as the woman wrote, “felt like a slap in the face, especially after all the expectations we shared.” [she] And her partner finally met my partner at her wedding.”
She continued, “I couldn’t help but feel that this decision was made to avoid upsetting her friends, some of whom have let her down so many times in the past and who take me for granted.”
One Reddit user told others that she felt betrayed and disrespected after deciding not to invite her boyfriend to a close cousin’s wedding. (iStock)
“I was devastated” when her boyfriend was no longer invited, the woman said. “Not only was I no longer invited, but I felt like I’d lost a part of my family. All the plans we’d made together were suddenly gone.”
Her boyfriend wasn’t upset, but he “naturally wondered whether it was worth investing in future holidays with someone who wasn’t even going to invite him to his wedding,” she said.
“What hurt even more was that my cousin didn’t have the courage to tell me directly.”
She added: “What hurt even more was that my cousin didn’t have the courage to tell me herself and instead had her mother pass the message on through my mother.”
To her dismay, “Rousse Eldarion” said several members of her family “accused me of ruining my cousin’s wedding by speaking out.”
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“They insisted that it was her day and she had the right to do as she pleased,” she said.
“But I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal,” the woman wrote.
She asked the others, “So, was it AITA who spoke up?”
Her relatives were upset that she had spoken out, and wrote to a woman on Reddit (not pictured) saying she was “ruining” her cousin’s upcoming wedding. (iStock)
Of the nearly 400 responses to the post, most Reddit users agreed that the situation was extremely strange and that the woman wasn’t a “jerk” for asking, nor was she “ruining” the wedding, which is still months away.
Etiquette experts told Fox News Digital that the situation was unusual and could have been handled better by the cousins.
“The timing and the way it was delivered is understandably hurtful,” Rosalinda Randall, a California-based expert, told Fox News Digital in an email.
Randall also defended the women who have spoken out.
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“As long as it’s not considered bad behavior in your country, you’re not an asshole for bringing up the issue and expressing your opinion,” Randall said.
She continued, “Probably I should have just called my cousin and spoken to her directly, even though it wouldn’t have changed the situation.”
“Your cousin has a boiled spaghetti spine.”
In a subsequent post, the woman said that after speaking with her cousin, it appeared the decision not to invite significant other family members “was a mix of her own decision and her mother’s influence.”
“Long story short, she is considering making an exception for my boyfriend but hasn’t confirmed it yet (she said she won’t know until the very last minute),” she said.
After speaking with her cousin, the woman learned the truth. Economic reasonsbut because her cousin doesn’t like some of her other cousins’ boyfriends.
“Here’s why you shouldn’t go to this wedding – you can go on your own honeymoon that day,” wrote one commenter on the story. “Either elope or go to the courthouse and book a trip.” (iStock)
“She just didn’t want to see them at her wedding,” the woman wrote. “Her solution was to remove the family’s boyfriends (including me) from the guest list.”
But the admission didn’t make things better, as the cousin claimed she’d tried to invite her boyfriend at the last minute.
“We didn’t argue, but we weren’t as nice to each other as we normally are,” she said, adding that they never asked for an exception to the rules or tried to change the guest list.
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“The only thing I complained about was that she didn’t say anything to me directly, and absolutely nothing else,” she said. “The ‘exception’ was her fault, not mine.”
The woman added that the relatives who she said were ruining her wedding have not apologised and she doesn’t think they will.
“I’m at a loss as to how to feel about this. I feel there could have been a more tactful way to handle the situation. I can’t even tell if this revelation makes it better or worse.”
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In a reply to the updated post, a Reddit user suggested that the woman and her boyfriend do their thing on their cousin’s wedding day.
“Your cousin has a boiled spaghetti spine,” said “Swedepunsch.”
“The reason you’re not going to this wedding is because you’re going on your own honeymoon that day. Elope or go to the courthouse and book a trip.”
Fox News Digital has reached out to the original poster for further comment and an update.
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