I sometimes get the sense that there are two distinct sides to me. One part leans towards being soft and feminine, while the other is more assertive and desires control. My husband navigates this duality pretty well; it’s not always easy to balance caring for me while letting my true self emerge.
When we celebrated my birthday last weekend, I reflected on how he manages things that, honestly, he may not recognize immediately.
I’ve always been a bit strong-willed—I’ve even field-dressed a deer and participated in rifle competitions. Growing up with a Marine father, a relentlessly driven mother, and a Texas grandmother who could weave quite the tale instilled in me a desire to be strong and fiercely loyal.
I really appreciate how this dynamic works for us. Confidence in a woman is essential; weakness has its consequences in this world. Yet, despite all my efforts, I sometimes overlook the gentle side of existence.
I can handle tough situations, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to nurture someone, and my husband is the ideal person for that role.
During the birthday celebration, we didn’t have to fret about reservations or logistics. He simply told me when to get ready and took care of everything else. When we reached the restaurant, he managed the attendant while I waited. Seeing him smile at me through the windshield while he opened the door was heartwarming. Inside, I comfortably let him handle interactions with the host.
I could have easily dropped our last name for convenience, but that would have skirted the essence of our roles.
The dinner followed that same pattern. I glanced through the menu, mentioned the cocktail I wanted, and he ordered it for me when the waiter approached. This continued throughout the night. It reminds me of his mom, who also took care of everyone around her. He leads; I allow myself to be cared for.
His role isn’t just confined to dinner. During Mass, he dashes to the front so our daughter and I don’t have to trek through the parking lot. He guides us like little ducks, and once seated, he finds his spot next to us.
When he rejoins us, I sit on one side of our daughter, he on the other. As we line up for the Eucharist, I step into the aisle and let our daughter go before me. He often pulls me close for a sweet kiss on the back of my head as we approach the priest, which is a cherished routine for us.
These moments remind me of the care I hold for him.
Five days a week, we wake up early to hit the gym together. While there, he encourages me through my workout and keeps track of what’s next.
In those moments, I feel so cherished and perhaps a touch feminine. Sometimes, I find myself wishing he would bear the responsibility and treat me like a “princess.”
I can almost hear the sharp reactions from other women who might think such thoughts send us back to an outdated mindset, accusing me of being a traitor to my own beliefs. But they miss the essence of it all.
Sure, I can make reservations, open doors, negotiate with the hostess, and manage my weights. However, doing all that would rob me of the love and kindness that comes from allowing him to take the lead. It’s perfectly okay to be vulnerable enough to inspire his love for me.
Every Friday night, when we can, my husband and I unwind at our local pub, discussing the week with our daughter and what we hope for the future. Honestly, it’s my favorite time.
This back-and-forth in our relationship is an act of service from both sides. He needs to take the lead as much as I need to let him. Early in our marriage, I had to work on releasing my grip on control. I learned the world wouldn’t end if he took charge, and it felt liberating when I finally surrendered that need.
He’s free to love me in the way that feels right for him, and in return, I can experience love in a way that brings a sense of fulfillment to my life.
A solid marriage isn’t merely by chance; it requires effort and commitment. We don’t get it right all the time, but we strive to love each other a bit more than the previous week. He did that for me on my birthday, and he consistently makes efforts in ways that often go unnoticed.
A wonderful man deserves to lead, and a loving woman allows him to do so.
