Welcome to Good Life, a newsletter focused on navigating modern culture while maintaining your sanity. This week, we’ll explore motherhood and the critical role of guiding your child.
When a daughter enters puberty, very little is said about the emotional burdens mothers face. Right now, I’m in the thick of it with one of my daughters, as we navigate her preteen years filled with hormones and heightened emotions. I’ve been through this before, so I recognize the signs and know how to guide her. Still, it’s exhausting.
I’m not the type of parent who can just roll with it. I have a strong aversion to some contemporary parenting attitudes. They suggest that children are naturally resilient. Sure, adults might recall their own childhood traumas, and there’s a trend on social media where kids recount their experiences, sometimes highlighting their mothers’ neglect or dismissive attitudes.
As a child, your parents are your entire universe. As you grow, friendships and teachers begin to shape your world too. So while I significantly impact my children’s emotional growth, every word and action feels monumental, like something they’ll remember forever.
Some argue that this expectation puts undue pressure on me, while others observe the fallout from a generation raised with a “resilient” mindset, noting the deterioration in our society and family dynamics. I strive to focus on my children’s best interests when making decisions, regardless of popular advice.
During their teenage years, this task becomes more complex than when they were girls. I constantly combat social messages that suggest they don’t have good relationships with their mothers. Additionally, I have to contend with the outside world’s peer pressure and negativity that affects their self-esteem.
What keeps me committed to this role is knowing that I’m not just raising kids—I’m raising the next generation of mothers and wives. It’s essential for me that my daughters feel equipped to handle the emotional responsibilities that come with motherhood and marriage. Much of their success in these roles hinges on how well they’re guided.
Women often have this uncanny ability to push themselves for their families. Men do too, but there seems to be a different emotional load on women, frequently bearing the brunt of the family’s emotional and physical challenges.
My husband is fantastic and helps out a lot. We maintain a healthy balance in our gender roles, yet most of the day-to-day parenting falls to me, as I’ve experienced all these stages with them. I know what they need, often before they do. This isn’t a critique of him; it’s just how things work.
This week, my second-oldest came to me feeling emotionally overwhelmed, like she had been on a non-stop marathon since her husband’s hospitalization. My immediate task was to soothe the chaos. I knew this could be one of those critical moments in our relationship. I had every reason to shrug it off and downplay her feelings, but I recognized that she needed my full attention and support.
She opened up about what she was experiencing, and I grounded her in reality. Each situation requires a different approach; this time, she needed to understand her emotions and be allowed to feel vulnerable. I hugged her, running my fingers through her hair until she began to relax.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she let it all out. My eldest observed what was happening and waited for her sister to finish before heading to bed. When my daughter finally got up, her sister playfully engaged with her.
I felt pretty good about how things unfolded. It seemed enough for her to realize that she needed that emotional support, especially knowing her sister would one day face similar challenges.
This is precisely why I put so much pressure on myself. If I’m feeling drained, it’s a sign that I’m pouring everything into this phase of my life. I consider it a blessing to raise four beautiful, kind daughters.
What I saw this week:
I was taken aback by Trump’s decision to expand the annual quota for Chinese students. There’s more to explore about this and my thoughts on why this policy is significant.
Please feel free to send any questions or comments about the newsletter. I may not always respond, but I do my best to read everything! Building this community is one of my favorite aspects of the experience.
