Good Life: Navigating Masculinity and Marriage
Welcome back to Good Life, your newsletter focused on understanding modern culture while maintaining our sanity. This week, we delve into the topics of husbands, masculinity, and marriage.
A wife recently shared a video where she affectionately referred to her husband as the “gets it” guy, explaining that he readily attends to her and their daughter’s needs. Strangely, this pleased portrayal upset some viewers who deemed it emasculating. I found that puzzling since her intention seemed to be celebrating him, not mocking.
If you’re a regular reader, you know that my life has a traditional feel. I married at 22, and my husband was 24. We quickly had four daughters right after one another, and I would have loved to have more if not for health issues. I dedicated my time to raising our girls until they were in school full-time before I ventured into writing. I make it a point to attend all their games and recitals, tackle school projects, and handle anything that requires baking, sewing, or hot gluing.
Yet, I can say with genuine respect that my husband embodies the “gets it” role as well.
He is undeniably a strong, masculine figure. With a lifelong history in rugby and a passion for hunting, he’s our family’s primary provider. Whenever there’s a hiccup in our lives, he’s the first person we turn to. True, he might not always grasp the intricate emotions of our all-female household, but he tries hard to navigate those sometimes turbulent waters.
I often reflect on the two sides of him. There’s the one everyone else sees, projecting strength and assertiveness, thriving at work and managing chaos. Then there’s the softer version reserved for his loved ones, the one who is easily warmed by a simple smile from us, always eager to make our wishes come true. That doesn’t mean he shies away from the tough love when needed—believe me, he’s not afraid to speak up—but when life feels tough, he’s our rock, filling the gaps when we need him most.
Our society tends to view masculinity as an either-or scenario: if you’re a man, you shouldn’t give in to what women want. You aren’t meant to show any affection or regard for women, and doing so seems to suggest weakness. It’s a strange notion that to love a woman is equivalent to losing your manliness.
I understand the aversion most men have toward being perceived as weak, but I don’t think that’s what this woman was conveying when she talked about her spouse. She was just offering a glimpse into a typical, loving marriage.
After my daughter’s volleyball game last night, I chatted with friends about how my husband always offers help with their bags. One mom, in particular, brings a sports camera to capture the action for her husband when he can’t be there, and it involves quite a bit of gear. I didn’t hesitate to help her carry her bags last night, and she remarked on my husband’s gentlemanly nature, jokingly asking how I “trained” him. I was taken aback and didn’t quite know how to answer, so I just laughed as we walked away.
Since then, I’ve been pondering that moment. Did I actually train him? Did I tame a wild man?
Not at all. He’s been this way since the day we met. I’ve never known anything different. Actually, it dawned on me that I can’t remember the last time I carried groceries or my chair to a game. Even when he’s away for work, he’s instilled in our daughters the idea that Mom doesn’t do heavy lifting. They just instinctively help out.
Cynics might argue he’s been subdued or lacks control over our family dynamics, but that fails to recognize the reality of his willingness to step up. Whether it’s fetching me a favorite coffee or treating our girls to ice cream after a tough day, his actions depict a certain form of male protectiveness.
Protection isn’t solely about physical or spiritual safety; there is an emotional aspect this so-called “manosphere” often overlooks, probably to avoid seeming feminine. A good man safeguards emotional well-being, too.
With our busy lives getting busier, especially with the girls’ packed schedules, it’s reassuring to know my husband stands firm as my “gets it” guy. Even when he’s traveling for work, he somehow remains present in that role. It’s worth celebrating. Maybe if more women shared stories about their husbands supporting them through the challenges of parenthood, the gap between genders wouldn’t feel so wide.
In fact, it’s quite impressive in today’s world for a woman to acknowledge that she can rely on her husband, rather than portraying him as an incapable loser. Society pushes for independence, suggesting vulnerability equals weakness, that we shouldn’t depend on men. However, the strongest men I know—those who lead, protect, provide, and remain loyal—use that strength to allow their wives to be their most delicate selves. They create spaces where the weight of the world isn’t on their partners’ shoulders because they carry those burdens gladly, often with a smile and a treat in hand.
Just to emphasize the point, after a couple of exhausting days, and completely unprompted, my husband sent me a bouquet of my favorite flowers, along with a note that reminded me how special I am and how much he loves me.
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