Dear Abby: I’m a university student wrapping up my final year, and I’ve been in love with a girl since second grade. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as I hoped. After I asked her to hang out one-on-one, she let me know she wasn’t into romance.
Still, we became friends, and now I’ve noticed we spend more time together, which is nice. I usually tend to be the one making the effort. It kind of bothers me because we connect well, and our conversations can last for hours, sharing personal anecdotes. It’s great, really.
The last time we hung out, I told her I’d let her take the lead in reaching out next. That was two months ago, and honestly, I don’t think she will. It’s disheartening.
If she hasn’t reached out by the end of the semester, should I message her to express my disappointment? Or maybe ask if we can meet up again before I graduate? I don’t think I’ll have another chance after this. It feels a bit like this goes against what I said about leaving it up to her, but I don’t want to regret not reaching out. – smitthdithd in Indiana
Dear Smitten: From what you’ve shared, it seems this young woman is trying to let you down gently, though perhaps she hasn’t done it clearly. She’s not interested in a romantic relationship. What would you hope to gain by asking her to meet again? I mean, it could complicate things for both of you. If you feel the need to send her a message, maybe it’s better to express your thoughts and close this chapter in a way that feels right for you.
Dear Abby: I’m an older gay man with a circle of gay friends, and while I’ve never come out to my family, I believe many of them suspect my sexuality.
I invited my cousin and her husband over for a small get-together before a nearby event. My close gay friends were also invited, but I’ve never discussed my sexuality with my cousin.
One of my friends openly shared his experiences, and I asked him to hold off on those topics when my cousin was around. He agreed, though he seemed surprised. Later, he referred to me as “gay.” Was it wrong for me to request that personal topics be kept out of the conversation? – The reserve of the East
Dear Discreet: You suspect that some family members know about your sexuality, and you certainly have the right to choose the guests at your gathering. However, trying to censor your guests can be tricky. Just because there are gay friends at the party doesn’t mean it should be assumed that you are. This could have been an opportunity for you to let some of that closet door open just a bit.
