Dear Abby: My sister and I were born seven years apart and were not in a romantic relationship. This relationship continued into adulthood and got worse. It got to the point where my sister was cruel. My parents didn’t know. My sister married an abusive man and isolated her after our parents died. When my father died, they came into the house and took my father’s belongings. This kind of thing was normal for them. We barely spoke for 30 years unless I initiated a short, awkward conversation.
Three years ago, my sister’s husband died suddenly, leaving her in a pest-infested home that was in danger of being demolished. My sister and I are now in regular contact and helping with some of the expenses. More expensive work now needs to be done, including major plumbing and a new roof.
My sister borrowed money from me and wants to pay it back in the future. I am resistant to it and I am suffering because of our past. I am living a happy life and I feel very guilty. What should I do? — Required in California
To whom it may concern: What you should do is follow your intuition; it will guide you in the right direction. The fact that your sister stole your father’s fortune without giving you what you deserve tells you everything you need to know about her morals. Don’t feel guilty about the good life you’ve built; you deserve it. Don’t give your sister more than you can afford to lose, and you won’t be disappointed.
Dear Abby: My husband of two years was estranged from his children after a bad divorce. I reunited with my son “Mac” four years ago and have made every effort to show him I am a good person, but I truly regret not being there for him for a while.
The only time my husband spends time with Mac is when he is asked to work on a project at Mac’s house. He is not invited to any social events. I have asked my husband to take Mac’s family to dinner, but he has not given me a clear response. This is hurting my husband. He wants to get to know Mac and his grandchildren, but he keeps him at a distance.
We are at a loss as to why Mac will not let his father into his life. I have never even met him. My husband has expressed his feelings and asked Mac what is holding him back and has promised that he will not do anything to hurt him or his family. We don’t know what to do next. Please help. — No progress in Connecticut
For those of you with no progress: And…where is Mac? motherHow long had she been keeping her children away from their father? How far had she gone to alienate them?
Maybe Mac doesn’t want to see you because he thinks you destroyed his parents’ marriage and took his father away from him. Maybe he doesn’t want to get close to you because he doesn’t trust his father or is afraid you might hurt his mother. Or maybe Mac is just taking advantage of his father’s labor for a project he hires.
The next step is for your husband (and you) to take a long, hard look at what is and isn’t happening with Mac and, if necessary, reorganize their life.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
