Dear Abby:
I’ve known Sheila for 30 years—once, we were really close friends. She used to enjoy social drinking.
But twelve years ago, after losing her husband to cancer, her drinking escalated. Now, Sheila is struggling with alcoholism.
Friends and family have reached out countless times to help her. She’s been to rehab twice, mainly to appease her daughter.
She tried Alcoholics Anonymous but felt out of place there. There was a domestic program she participated in for several months, but it seemed like she just went through the motions.
In the last three years, she’s faced severe consequences: hospital visits, a shattered face from a fall, and even a fire in her home due to an accident.
Recently, she received her second DUI. It’s heartbreaking to watch.
Despite all this, Sheila calls me weekly just to chat about mundane topics like everything is fine.
When I attempt to bring up her struggles, she brushes it off, saying she’ll improve, then quickly shifts the conversation. It’s frustrating and disheartening.
Should I confront her about this or just cut her out of my life altogether? I’ve been supportive while many of her other friends have distanced themselves, but I’m really at my wit’s end. – Finished in Maine
Dear Finished:
It’s clear you care about Sheila, but you’ve watched her spiral down into a dangerous path. This behavior is destructive—not just for her but for you, too.
While you can keep the lines of communication open, it might be best to do so only when she takes her alcohol issues seriously and starts working towards recovery. Perhaps share this perspective with her daughter as well.
Sometimes, individuals need to hit rock bottom to truly recognize the impact of their actions.
Dear Abby:
About a month ago, I was set to fly across the country with my husband for my nephew’s wedding—a significant occasion since my nephew had never married before.
When we arrived at the airport, I realized that I had forgotten my ID. I told my husband to go without me.
Once he got there, he informed his brother I wasn’t attending because I had forgotten my ID. His response was to say he would tell my sister-in-law that I was sick instead, and my husband went along with it. When I found out, I was livid.
I had explicitly asked him to inform my sister-in-law about my ID situation. I’m also upset over the lie to my brother-in-law.
Should I come clean to my sister-in-law and let her know that her husband wasn’t truthful? – Virginia no show
Dear No Show:
A straightforward way to approach the situation is to simply tell your sister-in-law that you couldn’t board the plane because you forgot your ID. It’s perplexing why your husband chose to fabricate a story instead of giving the honest reason.
