Dear Abby: My daughter will graduate from college and get her bachelor’s degree. It is a proud moment. I am divorced from my daughter’s mother. My daughter’s mother and I have been invited to the graduation ceremony, but my daughter has not invited my current wife because she does not like my wife. My daughter says that there are a limited number of tickets and she wants to invite only her mother’s close relatives.
My wife feels left out and frustrated and I’m in an awkward position. I can choose to either tell my daughter that I won’t attend if she doesn’t invite me, or I can insist that she go and that this is an important moment in our daughter’s life and I need to be there too. What should I do? — Conflict in California
To all of you struggling: If your current wife played a role in the breakdown of your marriage to your first wife, it’s understandable that your daughter dislikes her. If there was a personality mismatch, she shouldn’t be shocked that she wasn’t invited.
I agree that your daughter’s college graduation is an important milestone, and I understand your desire to celebrate it with her. Tell your wife that you want her to “grow up” and send her off to the ceremony without creating more problems. And do what your heart tells you to do.
Dear Abby: We have five grandchildren. All but one call me “Me-Maw.” They have been calling me “Me-Maw” since the first was born 15 years ago. Four years ago our third grandchild was born, and the following month our fourth was born. This fourth grandchild called me “Me-Maw,” and then one day he suddenly started calling me “Me-Maw-Mee-Maw.” According to his spouse, this “started all of a sudden.”
It soon became apparent that this was what this grandson was meant to be – this was my other grandmother’s first grandchild, and she had decided that he would be called “Me-Maw” and that she would not give me that name.
At first I tried not to let it bother me, but as time went on it really started to bother me. I don’t mind us both being “Meemaw” but I think it’s wrong for someone to tell me I can’t call my grandchild a name that I’ve been called for years and that my other grandchildren call me.
I don’t want to cause any trouble but this is causing me a lot of stress. What should I do or how can I get over this situation? I was given a nickname that I don’t want and that I don’t like. — Renamed in New England
The name has been changedGrandma, you have five grandchildren and the other grandma only has one. If it’s important to her that she only calls you “Meemaw,” be generous. Give her that honor. It doesn’t mean she has any less love for you. To borrow a line from Shakespeare, “A rose by any other name smells as sweet.”
P.S.: “MeeMawMeeMaw” is a pretty long name. It doesn’t take a crystal ball to know that over time, kids will shorten it by one MeeMaw.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
