Letter 1
Dear Abby: Our granddaughter, “Amy,” who is part of 4-H, chose to use her stepfather’s last name for her fair performance. Her dad, our son, is a significant figure in her life, yet this marks the second consecutive year she’s done this. It really hurt both my husband and me. Her mother, stepfather, and their family are all supportive, while our son seems to lack the courage to address it with them or even discuss it openly.
I spoke with Amy, and she stated she didn’t care about our feelings on the matter. We love her dearly, and honestly, her stepfather’s last name isn’t any more valuable than our family name, yet they seem to elevate its importance.
After our conversation, we decided to stop supporting her at the 4-H fair. She’s at an impressionable age of 14. Together, my husband and I agreed to withdraw birthday and Christmas gifts if she continues to disregard us this way. We were raised with a strong emphasis on family respect, so this feels like a real slap in the face. What should I do? — Proud of Our Name
Response to Letter 1
Dear Pride: It sounds like your son is still an influential part of Amy’s life. Has she explained her reasons for this decision? Could it simply be that she wants to share a name with the parents who took her to the event?
You might be over-involved in this situation. Cutting off her 4-H support and withholding gifts could lead to a serious rift that may be tough to mend later. It’s probably best to have more calm, rational discussions before escalating this further.
Letter 2
Dear Abby: I would do anything for my family. I’m always taking care of everyone while also working. Now that my children are adults, I’d like to enjoy some vacations. The issue is my husband isn’t interested in doing anything.
I’m thrilled because my best friend planned a trip for us, and I feel like I need this break for myself. But my husband is upset about not being invited. I’ve taken trips without him before, visiting grandchildren across the country, and it’s never been a problem. We’ve been married for 38 years.
He’s been unwell for the last two years, but he’s improving now. I just feel like I need some time to reset mentally. He claims he’s “hurt” and is trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to go, but I know I need this for my own well-being. Am I wrong for wanting and needing this? — Escape in South Carolina
Response to Letter 2
Dear Fugitive: Caring for a sick husband in addition to everyone else can be extremely stressful. It’s great to hear that your husband is doing better, and I completely understand your need to recharge. You mentioned he “doesn’t want to do anything” but feels upset about not being part of your trip. If his health continues to improve, perhaps you could plan a trip for just the two of you in the future. That might ease his feelings on this.
