Adam Nimoy, the son of Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy, was shocked when he received a six-page letter from the actor that “described a life gone wrong and wasted.”
It was 2008, Adam had been sober for about four years, and the relationship between father and son was “at its worst.”
“I was going to alcoholics meetings and learning how to deal with my father,” Adam told Fox News Digital. “He had so much anger. I couldn’t deal with him either. I distanced myself from him. I didn’t want to argue with him, but it was impossible. Leonard was scary, very difficult, very forceful. It was very hard for me to express my feelings.”
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Adam Nimoy had a complicated relationship with his father, Star Trek star Leonard Nimoy. (Courtesy of Adam Nimoy)
The TV director has written a new memoir. “Most Human: Reconciliation with My Father, Leonard Nimoy” The film explores his complicated relationship with the late patriarch and how the two reconciled before his death in 2015 at the age of 83.
The 67-year-old admitted he was initially devastated by the letter — at the time, he would call his father on special occasions but they never spent time together or spoke on a regular basis.
Adam Nimoy and Leonard Nimoy surf in Waikiki, Hawaii, circa 1970. (Jodi Cortez/Getty Images)
“The letter was full of his frustrations and anger at me, at himself and the way he treated me,” Adam explained. “I was totally shocked when I got the letter, but he wanted clarity. Who was to blame for the breakdown in our relationship? He wanted to get to the bottom of it, and he felt a lot of it was down to me and my failings as a son. Unfortunately, a lot of what was in his letter was true.”
Adam Nimoy’s memoir, “The Most Human,” is now available in bookstores. (Chicago Review Press)
Initially, Adam was determined to further cut ties with his father, but a friend in recovery encouraged him to eventually reconcile with his father.
“[He] “He told me to go and apologize for my shortcomings and for things he felt were wrong,” Adam says, “and I did.”
The road to peace has not been smooth.
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A young Leonard Nimoy appears in a 1964 episode of “The Outer Limits.” (ABC Photo Archives/Disney General Entertainment Content via Getty Images)
Growing up, Adam described his father as “very driven and hungry for success,” and as Nimoy gained fame, the two began to be surrounded by large groups of strangers when they were out in public together.
Adam Nimoy admitted he was devastated by a lengthy letter he received from his father, Leonard Nimoy. (Courtesy of F. Scott Schafer/Adam Nimoy)
“My dad never really felt comfortable being alone with me,” Adam explained. “He always had something on his mind, and that was the reason. My relationship with him wasn’t great. We didn’t go out much together. He was always on the go. Just sitting and relaxing and watching TV was difficult for him. We didn’t talk much. And when we did try to have some father-son moments, it couldn’t be in public. We had to abandon plans because there were constant interruptions.”
Adam admitted that as a child, he resented having to expose his father to the public, and it took years for him to grow fond of the fans who made Nimoy a TV icon.
Leonard Nimoy meets with fans in California. (Getty Images)
“I just want to be alone with my family,” he explained. “My dad has always been very patient and always willing to sign autographs. It’s been hard for me.”
Adam noted that Nimoy comes from a generation where feelings weren’t discussed as often as they are today, and wondered how that affected their relationship.
Leonard Nimoy in his home photography office/studio in Bel Air, Los Angeles, California, March 2, 2002. (Paul Harris/Getty Images)
“My dad’s parents never showed him any affection, even when Star Trek was a big hit,” Adam says. “I never heard them say they were proud of him, or that they loved him, or that they really appreciated what he’d done. I knew they were happy for him… They were really happy that he was getting all the attention and that he was doing well. Fans showered their love on my grandparents, and they were happy for them. They sent us fan mail, to the point that they were embarrassed by it, but I never heard them say anything affectionate about my dad. I know they loved him.”
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Leonard Nimoy (left) enjoyed a remarkable career as an actor, director, screenwriter and photographer after his 1966-69 run on “Star Trek,” but in the public’s mind he will always be known as Spock. (Jose Galvez/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)
“…I wanted to break that cycle,” Adam recalled. “I was very emotional with my kids, very involved. I’m not the same person as my father. … I expressed love and pride and joy just by being with them. … But it was very hard for my father to break that cycle. … My grandparents were Russian immigrants who came to America and were shocked when they got here. It was all about survival. That’s what it was for Leonard.”
“Leonard was committed to surviving,” Adam added.
Leonard Nimoy (left) and William Shatner in a scene from Star Trek. (CBS/Getty Images)
Nimoy struggled with alcoholism throughout his life. The B.B.C. Adam previously reported that the stress of working on “Star Trek” led him to drink. Adam wrote that Nimoy first attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in the mid-’90s when he was “recently sober.” Adam had struggled with his own addictions, including to alcohol and marijuana.
Adam Nimoy struggled with his father’s fame as a child. (Earl Leaf/Michael Ochs Archive/Getty Images)
“It was a weird feeling,” Adam admitted to Fox News Digital about going to AA with Nimoy. “It was like, ‘Is this another father-son outing? Is there something you want to tell me? Do you want me to join the program or do you want to show me what you’ve done in the program?’ I wasn’t sure. I had no idea what he was thinking. I really didn’t know what his motivations were. But I went along with it.”
“I thought the 12 steps of recovery were really interesting and great, except when I found out about them,” Adam continued, “I was furious. One of the steps is to make a list of people you’ve hurt and feel like making amends to them. But my dad never made amends to me. I was so angry that he skipped that step. I was disgusted by the program. It was a very negative experience, even though I never expressed that feeling to him.”
In his book, Adam wrote that Nimoy “was able to skip the step of apologizing for everything he’d done, the argument we’d had, the bump we’d had while Johnny Walker was in the room.”
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Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock in Star Trek. (CBS via Getty Images)
In December 2003, a friend who had been in and out of recovery told Adam it was his turn, and in 2004, Adam was able to rejoin the program on his own.
“I was very unhappy and I would smoke pot all day,” Adam says. “I was in an unhappy marriage. My kids were old enough to realize there was something wrong with me. I had changed. I was acting weird, not the way I used to. … I was tired of being high all the time. I just didn’t enjoy it and it wasn’t helping me. It had been going on for 30 years, since I was in high school. I was ready. I was totally ready. And I didn’t relapse.”
Adam said that when he received the letter from his father, the actor was “no longer drinking” but “wasn’t going to meetings either.”
Leonard Nimoy arrives at the premiere of Paramount Pictures’ Star Trek Into Darkness at the Dolby Theatre on May 14, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Fraser Harrison/Getty Images)
“I think he was very conflicted about his emotions and what the right course of action was for him. I just didn’t know,” Adam said. “But… I had people in recovery who gave me the guidance I needed to reconcile with him, and I did. Even though I resisted when they told me to reconcile with him. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t think he deserved it. I felt like he’d been sober longer than me. So why should I be the one to make the first move? But that’s typical, emotionally immature thinking.”
Adam said that the moment he made amends, his father “was willing to let go of all the resentment he had towards me.”
“He was ready to move on, too,” Adam said. “And so we did. We moved forward in our relationship. And it was incredible. We were so happy to be together. We really loved each other. We just didn’t know how to love each other.”
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Adam Nimoy reconciled with his father, Leonard Nimoy, patriarch of the family, before his death. (Courtesy of Adam Nimoy)
Adam said his final years with Nimoy were fun: The two loved being together, Nimoy bonded with his grandchildren, and, by that time, Adam would light up when fans approached Nimoy.
“I was proud of him, I really am,” Adam said. “Proud of what he accomplished throughout his life. I felt like in those last few years we finally could rely on each other.”
Today, Adam hopes his story offers hope to others struggling with similarly complicated relationships with their parents.
Adam Nimoy poses for a portrait in honor of his father, Leonard Nimoy. (Jodi Cortez/Getty Images)
“I’m still growing, but I’ve come a long way,” Adam said.[And] Family dysfunction is everywhere. You don’t have to have a famous father to have problems with your family. But my father and I needed to rediscover each other and rebuild our relationship. That’s the whole point of recovery.”
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
