Whimpering to the federal government about the Super Bowl halftime show has become as traditional as the game itself. It's a chance for Boomers to crack their fingers and wrinkle their confused brains about music they don't understand, focusing their heated anger on bureaucrats and burning emails about modern music, black people and often the ones who don't like.
This week, the FCC released 125 complaints about Kendrick Lamar's Super Bowl Halftime Show. And we read them all and choose the absolute stupid thing, as you don't have to. If you wrote any of these, you're bad and you should be in a bad mood.
From Columbia, North Carolina
“The show at this time is racist. Only African Americans are racist, not only unethical, but also white Americans who are racist who promote that one race is superior to another.”
All interactions must be a learning experience, so it looks like this:
- Halftime is not “time”
- Not unethical or “ethical”
From Indiana, Alabama
“This is scary, halftime shows should have good music, not this junk you're dealing with certain people, and a lot of people hate this just music, get people who actually get people to listen to the music like Madouna. And I think there are white people at this event.
This means you will never attack musician Zack Top. Zach Top had to respect him to find out who this person was, but he must oppose the term “blocker.” His last album peaked at number four on the US country charts. Plus, I think that the die hard fans at the backpack top probably know how to spell the backpack top.
From California Fuck-Off
“Your halftime show was a joke. Thank God America has shut you up and brought Trump back. Kendrick Lamar isn't a real talent, you've woken up all sheep are no talent. Pedophile bullshit.
I didn't get anything. We hope you enjoy Thanksgiving alone this year.
From Fort Wayne, Indiana.
“The halftime show was awful. I hear and understand who they are saying. I'm a professional musician and I think this is very humiliating.”
I call that a hype, but if you're a professional musician who can't understand or understand rap music, at an academic level alone, it probably explains why you're still performing in Four Wayne, Indiana.
From Euphoala, Oklahoma
“How do you show a total disgusting, horrible, horrible halftime? Why do you get someone who can actually understand pure filth?
My favorite part of this particular complaint is that the sender specifically targeted the local internet company “Vyve Broadband.”
From Daytona Beach, Florida
“Do you want to know why white people weren't involved?????????? I felt very discriminated against. It made me feel so uncomfortable. I feel worse than ever and want to know why we're called racist, but the Super Bowl makes us not include white people.
Obviously, we know this person is lying, but I still want to imagine a scenario in which a grieving family needs to have a detailed story in the middle of the Super Bowl about why there were no white performers at the halftime show.
From Glen Allen, Virginia
This was the absolute worst halftime show. My complaints are that the FCC and the NFL are racist. They are racist because they continue to sponsor black music artists.
The phrase “They are racist because of sponsorship of black music artists” should be hung at the Baron Louvre.
From Whiting, Indiana
“The halftime show was completely inappropriate and Kendrick should not have been allowed to perform like we did given the explicit content and the honour and defamatory lawsuit.”
I found a Drake burner.
From Richmond, Virginia
“It's really not suitable for family viewing, which is very unfortunate. My kids are asking if it's okay to say it at school, so I need to rate it as 'R'. ”
Your child is not asking if he can say those words at school. Richmond, stop lying.
From Tucson, Arizona
“Stop putting raps on halftime shows. We hate it!!! Why not put skilled musicians in a show that can actually sing Matchbox 20, the Rolling Stones, Adele, Sammy Hagar, Mark Anthony, Dua Lipa, Elton John and Harry Styles?
Yes, give people what they want. Matchbox 20… Our Lord's Year 2025.
From Cincinnati, Ohio
“The Haft Time Show was the worst show in Super Bowl history! You couldn't understand the rape they didn't sing! There were no white people on stage, so the Black Earls make up 18% of the US population.”
Please tell this person how to spell “wrapping”.
From Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
“I didn't understand the words of the performance, but I know they're trying to make the Trump administration go badly. I highly recommend reviewing someone singing and saying things during halftime. People want to be entertained. There's no reason for someone to give their opinions.
I didn't know what was being said, but I know it supports my bias.
From Sandyville, West Virginia
“Kendrick Lemmer's performance was pure and breast filth. He should be fined to the highest extent of the law violating FCC standards and banned from future televised performances.”
Instead of laughing at this person, I think they need help with this filth problem. According to some blogs, the best way to clean cow's breasts is to use mild dish soap, warm water and clean towels. It is also important to wipe from the top to the tip of the breast, rather than using any other method.
From Beverly Hills, California
“Kendrick Lamar made a false and scandalous claim that was unfounded.
I found another burner from Drake.
At least we can thank this king of Canton, Georgia
“My complaints are that the performance wasn't long enough.”
I totally agree.
