For someone whose first delivery was traumatic, preparing to give birth again can carry emotional weight well beyond the arrival of a baby. One woman asked Allie Beth Stuckey how to plan for a vaginal birth after cesarean, or VBAC, without treating it as a chance to make up for her earlier experience.
Stuckey, who had two C-sections before later giving birth vaginally and is now more than halfway through her fourth pregnancy, said she understands how complicated those feelings can be. She hadn’t expected either of her first two C-sections, and said only one was medically necessary.
She described her first C-section as unnecessary, saying her doctor was quick to recommend the procedure and did not want her pregnancy to continue past 40 weeks. Stuckey also stressed that she does not believe C-sections are always avoidable or that natural birth is automatically better. Modern medicine, she said, can be a gift and can save lives.
Before her first C-section, she felt pressured to have labor induced. Her body and the baby, she recalled, were not ready, and the induction did not work.
Labor and delivery can be overwhelming, especially for a first-time mother who may not yet feel confident speaking up for herself, Stuckey said. She was trusting the doctors and nurses she had come to know, and feared the risks raised to her. In her case, she said, stillbirth was mentioned even though it was not actually imminent.
She described the period after surgery as especially difficult. Although she could not feel much, she found the experience painful, including when a nurse pressed firmly on her abdomen. After her first birth, she was deeply emotional and may have experienced postpartum depression.
For her second delivery, Stuckey hoped for a VBAC. She prepared by listening to podcasts, taking classes and doing exercises, but said she was also determined to redeem her first birth. She ultimately had another C-section.
Stuckey said it can help to release the expectation that a VBAC will heal or redeem a past traumatic birth. That healing may come in another way, she said, and how it happens is not something a person can control.
For her, letting go of that expectation is part of avoiding what she called the “idolatry of birth.”
