1,000 bottles of lube, a gubernatorial candidate who loves shemale porn, and a text message from a Marxist asking if you're awake: the week of September 16, 2024 will forever be remembered as one of the most exciting weeks in political history.
Let's start with the horrifying accusations against some of the biggest names in hip-hop. Avid Democrat Supporter Sean Combs, aka Diddy.
Federal investigators arrested him on Monday on a slew of frightening charges, including fraud, sex trafficking and transportation for prostitution, the release said. Indictment The Department of Justice (DOJ) released the information on Tuesday.
Illinois Senate candidate Barack Obama and Sean “P. Diddy” Combs. Rebecca Sapp/WireImage for Citizen Change
I do not intend to minimize this case. If the allegations made by the Department of Justice are true, Didi is a sick and depraved individual who essentially kept sex slaves. The only word to describe these allegations is satanic.
But we have a saying in my family that goes, “If you don't laugh, you'll cry,” and many online are finding a little humor in the truly astonishing contents of his indictment.
The indictment alleges that Diddy used his power and influence to coerce people into “elaborately choreographed sex performances” that he called “freak offs,” which “occurred on a regular basis, sometimes lasting several days and often involving multiple prostitutes.”
Diddy allegedly watched these performances, recorded them, and masturbated to them. He also “distributed various controlled substances” to keep people “obedient and submissive,” according to the indictment.
He then allegedly administered intravenous fluids to his victims to help them recover from their ordeal.
According to the indictment, Combs forced men and women to perform raunchy marathon sex shows for his own personal entertainment, but at least he didn't tell the women they should have families, which would be really awful.
In a subsequent search, federal agents allegedly found more than 1,000 lube/baby oil bottles throughout his Miami and Los Angeles homes. That's 1,000.000 bottles of lube, according to the indictment. (RELATED: Sean “Diddy” Combs indictment alleges drug-induced 'freak-off' sex parties)
Homeland Security agents stand at the entrance to the home of American producer and musician Sean “Diddy” Combs on Star Island in Miami Beach on March 25, 2024. Sean “Diddy” Combs' home is being searched by federal agents, media reported on March 25. The US hip-hop mogul is at the center of a sex trafficking and sexual assault lawsuit. Giorgio Vieira/AFP via Getty Images
Now, again, I know this isn't necessarily a laughing matter, but with the string of atrocities the general public has been subjected to in the internet age, gallows humor was a welcome antidote for me and others, and the internet certainly had some fun with it.
Antonio Brown, the former NFL receiver and future brain injury research subject who has been making a string of offensive jokes on Twitter since his ignominious retirement from football, is having a lot of fun with Diddy's news.
Police searched Diddy's house pic.twitter.com/yDFqdY76HC
— AB (@AB84) September 20, 2024
Diddy's rapper rival, 50 Cent, also issued a warning: “I'm good friends with Drew Barrymore but I don't have 1000 bottles of lotion in my house,” he wrote on Instagram.
Commenters had a lot of fun.
“Didi got more oil than Saudi Arabia,” one person wrote.
All joking aside, I sincerely sympathize with the alleged victims of Diddy's far-reaching manipulation scheme, but he is not the only person who has allegedly demonstrated embarrassing levels of greed this week.
Look at the cable news networks.
CNN panelist and Vanderbilt University professor Michael Eric Dyson got into a tense exchange with Republican Rep. Nancy Mace of South Carolina during an appearance on “CNN NewsNight with Abby Phillip” in August.
Dyson harshly criticized Mace for mispronouncing Kamala Harris' name, effectively accusing Mace of racism for doing so.
“This congresswoman is a great human being and I'll say this, but I know you don't mean it when you insult Kamala Harris by saying she can be called whatever you want. That's the history and legacy of white people devaluing the humanity of black people,” Dyson said.
Fast forward to Thursday, and Mace clearly hadn't forgotten about the exchange.
During Thursday's hearing, Mace recorded a series of seductive text messages allegedly sent by Dyson.
Now, I was willing to trust the guy without question until I saw some suspicious text messages.
Ms Mace said Mr Dyson texted her a series of pictures of them together, saying: “Shhh, don't tell anyone, we look great together!” along with a kissing face emoji.
Republican South Carolina Congresswoman Nancy Mace poses with CNN panelist Michael Eric Dyson after appearing on “CNN Newsnight with Abby Phillips” in August. Photo provided by Nancy Mace.
Apparently the kissing face emoji is borderline borderline, but Dyson seems to have taken it a step further after Mace said he politely replied, “Hahahaha.”
“Your beauty will enhance the photo, that's great!” he sent her, Mace said.
Oh my goodness!
— Nancy Mace (@NancyMace) September 19, 2024
Mace roundly denounced him by entering the alleged text messages into the official congressional record and plastering them across his social media accounts.
Dyson demurred. Tweet “A ridiculous lie told to discredit me in anger at Nancy Mace being questioned about her callous disregard for the Vice President. I had no intention of doing anything but kind things for her, and all her white woman tears and lies serve the lie and distortion. I was wrong about one thing: she is a bigot and a racist.”
Try harder. Mace had the last laugh, just Citation “Beta male,” the tweet read.
This exchange was my favorite of the week. It perfectly encapsulates the dual nature of Washington politics and the emptiness of performative racism. You're basically calling Rep. Mace a racist in front of millions and thousands of people, while, according to her screenshots, you appear to be trying to get her into bed behind closed doors? No, that's crazy. I applaud Rep. Mace for going public with her accusations. I hate racists and creepy perverts, but it's really tiresome to do both at the same time.
The last person on our list is North Carolina Republican gubernatorial candidate Mark Robinson.
Explosive Claims CNN reporter Andrew Kaczynski (aka KFILE) accused Robinson of posting outrageous material on pornography message boards between 2008 and 2012.
Robinson has admitted to liking transgender porn, CNN reports, and he also allegedly cheated on his wife. younger sister (Warning: this is graphic and gory.) He also said he was a voyeur on the website Nude Africa, according to CNN.
Robinson categorically denied the allegations on social media, calling them “outrageous lies.”
I wanted to take a moment to address a recent outrageous lie coming from my opponent's dishonest campaign. #ncgov #ncpol pic.twitter.com/RtteVUiozr
— Mark Robinson (@markrobinsonNC) September 19, 2024
“This is not us. These are not our words. And this is not who I am,” Robinson said in an interview with CNN on Thursday.
But CNN traced usernames used on Nude Africa message boards on a number of other websites and linked them to Robinson.
“I love watching transgender on girl porn!” says the user, Minisoldr, a username held by someone named Mark Robinson. Used CNN reported that investigators also traced Robinson's username to his Amazon and Google profiles, where he left reviews of products and companies he had publicly endorsed on Facebook.
Aside from the shocking and graphic allegations, Minisoldr also reportedly posted a number of bizarrely racist comments, including “Slavery isn't bad. Some people need to be slaves. I wish we could bring slavery back. I would definitely buy some.”
The very thought that this man should bring his thoughts about slavery to a Nude Africa message board is patently absurd.
The shocking allegations were announced just hours before a deadline for Robinson to withdraw from the gubernatorial race was looming. According to According to WRAL, he was outscored by opponents by between 5 and 13 points on Wednesday. Public Opinion Poll.
Robinson has defiantly refused to back down and will be on the ballot on November 5th.
“We will continue this campaign. We will fight to win,” Robinson said in a Twitter video.
