A Father’s Legacy of Sacrifice and Love

Nearly 17 years ago, a tragic event left an indelible mark on my life. It’s a story that has resurfaced in my mind, particularly on Father’s Day. My father, Tom Vander Oode, heroically sacrificed his life to save my brother, Joseph.

His legacy has taught me about the essence of fatherhood. Each year, I reflect on the values he instilled in me — lessons that stem from both his life and his untimely death.

To put it simply, Dad was, in many ways, an ordinary man. He grew up on a farm, shared a love for watermelon and ice cream, and at 22, he wed his high school sweetheart, raising a family of seven boys — I’m the fifth. He served in the Navy, coached basketball, and prayed daily, selflessly dedicating himself to God, his family, and his country.

Then there’s Joseph, my youngest child, born with Down syndrome. Right from the start, a special bond formed between him and my dad. The doctors said that crawling would be tough for Joseph, but it was vital for his development. So, Dad fashioned some elbow pads and got down on the floor, encouraging Joseph to explore. As they spent time together, Joseph would tag along with Dad everywhere — at basketball games, church services, and during work on the family farm.

In 2008, everything changed. That day was a turning point that represented true fatherhood. My father was working at our home when a catastrophic incident occurred: the top of the septic tank collapsed, and Joseph was trapped. Dad didn’t hesitate; he jumped into the muck to save his son, but soon found that he could not get him out alone. He told a nearby worker, “You pull me, and I’ll push,” and took a final breath as he supported Joseph, lifting him to safety before succumbing himself.

My mother witnessed the whole ordeal, helplessly watching as they retrieved my father’s lifeless body. It was heart-wrenching, yet miraculously, Joseph survived, and now he continues to support my mother even in her later years.

That day, I lost my father but gained an invaluable lesson on sacrifice. I came to understand that a life dedicated to serving others prepares you for moments of heroism.

Dad used to say, “It’s usually very easy to know what’s right or wrong. We are often the ones who complicate things.” For him, doing the right thing meant quiet, selfless acts for others. To fund our schooling, he drove old cars and took on odd jobs while working at a horse farm after leaving the airline. When a new family of 12 arrived in town, he offered them a place to stay, even co-signing on their mortgage. My parents were active volunteers at our local parish, serving as Sacristan and Altar Server coordinators.

In recognition of his remarkable acts of service, the local Catholic parish is considering opening a canonization cause for my dad. The Church has a lengthy process to declare someone a saint, but Pope Francis has introduced new pathways for those who have laid down their lives for others. If my father’s actions meet these criteria, perhaps his story could inspire fathers, husbands, and others for generations to come.

His passing was devastating, and to this day, I miss him dearly. His influence as a father and husband shaped who I am. His joy, determination, unwavering dedication to family, quiet strength, and deep faith motivate me to strive for my best self.

So, especially on Father’s Day, I hold on to the hope that I can emulate my father in the way I live my life.