Dear Abby:

My brother Joey is married to Ally, who struggles with mental health issues. Every few months, she has meltdowns directed at me or someone in our family. It’s quite damaging and really upsetting. Ally has been diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. Joey acknowledges her behavior isn’t right, but it seems she lacks control.

We typically try to ignore her outbursts and let her calm down, which isn’t always easy, especially when she’s yelling or making personal attacks. The most recent incident happened during a visit to our parents’ house. Ally, pregnant with her first child, called my mother the following day, screaming that the home was cluttered and dusty, labeling it “toxic.” She claimed that being there was harming the unborn baby. While there is some clutter, my family has lived in that house for nearly 40 years and raised five children without health issues.

Is there a way to develop a meaningful relationship with Joey and Ally? I’m concerned they won’t allow us to see the baby. — Toe standing in California

Dear Toe:

Ally faces a dual mental illness diagnosis. If she’s on the right medication for bipolar disorder, there might be a chance to manage her reactions. If she’s aware of her overreactions and is receiving therapy for borderline personality disorder, perhaps there’s hope for nurturing connections with your future nieces and nephews. However, be aware that borderline personality disorder is challenging to treat. Joey should seriously consider the implications of having more children with Ally, as their marriage might struggle if she doesn’t receive proper treatment.

Dear Abby:

I often stay with my longtime friend “Barbara” when I visit her town a few times a year. Barbara has another close friend, “Helen”, who is often around. Recently, I learned that Helen’s political views are completely opposite to mine, making me uncomfortable in her presence.

Our visits frequently coincide, so my instinct is to arrange to stay elsewhere. But I don’t want to hurt Barbara’s feelings by suggesting Helen is extreme, even if I feel that way. Is there a thoughtful way to ask Barbara to keep me informed if Helen is around, so I can find other accommodations? — Avoid the West Side

Dear Avoid:

It seems your friend Barbara might be closer to Helen’s views than you realize, as she refuses to see her as an extremist. It might be time to communicate your feelings to Barbara, explaining that Helen’s opinions are unsettling to you. You could ask if she could let you know if Helen will be present during your next visit, so you can make alternative arrangements.