The essays are derived from discussions between Katie and Alan Donegan, a couple who retired at ages 35 and 40, respectively. Originally from the UK, they have embraced a nomadic lifestyle since 2020. The essays have been organized for clarity and conciseness.
Alan: Growing up in the 90s, my father experienced bankruptcy to the tune of £5 million, which led us to lose our family home. That year of fighting in court to keep a roof over our heads taught me I never want to feel that financial instability again.
As I transitioned into adulthood, someone gifted me a self-help book. By that time, I was married to Katie, and I stumbled upon Tony Robbins’ book discussing index funds.
Katie: That was my first real introduction to investing and setting goals for early retirement. Initially, it all sounded great, but then I started to feel a bit strange about it. I questioned, “Why do I deserve this?”
I’ve followed a financial independence blog for years and, around 2015, it struck me as silly not to chase after it. For Alan, it didn’t resonate as much at first; he realized that pretty quickly.
Alan: It was a tough time in that year when Katie wasn’t on board at all. Relationships suffer when you’re pulling in opposite directions. Katie expressed her desire to pursue financial independence, but then she veered off and that caused some tension.
When I first looked into financial independence, the pieces didn’t just fall into place. Some of our biggest disagreements went beyond just spending. Katie was incredibly frugal, while I sometimes felt the need to purchase things that could enhance our quality of life.
There was one moment where I wanted to buy Fitbits. Katie thought it was an unnecessary expense, which led to a significant debate in a Nebraska store during a trip to the US. My logic was, we’ve got hundreds of thousands in savings—how could spending $150 on Fitbits be a big deal?
Katie: Since retiring in 2019, I’ve organized a free 10-week course annually focused on financial independence and I get a lot of inquiries from couples navigating their own journeys. It’s vital to communicate effectively to stay aligned during this transition.
Avoid starting with the nitty-gritty
Katie: We advise couples against diving straight into details like tracking expenses or cutting spending right off the bat. Instead, begin by envisioning the life you want. Rather than saying, “We must slash our spending,” you might ask, “What kind of future do we want to create together?” Then consider the financial steps needed to achieve that.
Alan: It’s about finding a common ground and establishing a joint vision. Isn’t it exciting to think about having the freedom to bring the kids to school or travel together? A lot of the financial independence movement involves people running away from what they dislike, without giving much thought to what they truly want in retirement.
Focus on your own happiness
Alan: We often say that financial independence isn’t a magical solution for all your problems. Sorting out the money side can take time and sometimes amplify issues instead.
I often come across articles that lament how financial independence didn’t work out for someone. They reflect on everything they did wrong but didn’t stop to think about how to use that newfound freedom.
The most crucial thing is to focus on self-improvement and building confidence during your financial independence journey.
Investing in your personal growth is perhaps the best gift you can offer your partner. I want to enjoy the company of a happy and confident Katie, but ultimately, I can’t be the one to make her feel that way.
Express your desires openly
Katie: We’ve been living as nomads for over five years now, which means we’re together nearly all the time. We travel together, manage projects together, and have the same circle of friends.
Sometimes, our lives intertwine so closely it can become a bit overwhelming. We’re learning to maintain some balance and carve out time for ourselves.
Alan: The key is to be upfront about your feelings. Many, including Katie, have learned to keep the peace and often suppress their emotions.
We keep stressing the same point: you have to articulate what you want. No one else can read your mind. If something bothers you, speak up. You’ve got to be clear about your desires and goals, especially when you’ve got this newfound freedom in your life.
