What I learned from having 3 kids under 3

Unbelievably, October has arrived. My eldest son turned 4 years old yesterday. Dare I say that disbelief at how quickly time passes is a universal maternal experience, whether it's an unbearably long day or an immeasurably short year?

Ah, the melancholy of motherhood… the slippery seconds, the diamonds falling from the sky, the inability to hold onto them for more than a moment.

All of these little things now require courage, consistency, and creativity, as our social lives as mothers have been hollowed out by changes in technology and women's participation in the workplace.

I'm often asked how I manage now that I have three players under 3, so I thought I'd share the lessons I learned from that experience.

I don’t know if I can ever feel fully qualified to offer my wisdom as a parent. The proof of the pudding is in the way you eat it, and my kids are undercooked. But when it comes to staying sane and keeping your day-to-day operations running smoothly, I think there are some helpful tips. My advice boils down to three virtues: courage, consistency, and creativity.

courage

Victim mentality is the opposite of courage. It is widespread and in factmentally corrosive. Please refuse.

One of the spirits that characterizes the modern era, and unfortunately this is the case for everyone, is the spirit that defines the self as the eternal victim of circumstances, and appeals to others for sympathy and relief under these conditions.

This is at the heart of identity politics, and the left in general, and plays a major role in formal political debates at home and abroad. But the political right is not immune to this thought pattern. Actually, I call myself
Those on the right often indulge it while others denounce it..

Take the Ascendant for example.
menist” movements simply switched their focus from women to men, often maintaining symbols of victimhood. As a Catholic, I am disgusted to see the same tendencies in reactionary traditionalist movements that seem to enjoy being in a position of perpetual persecution. Social media makes this possible by structurally prioritizing talk over action.

Victim mentality is dangerous, especially at scale. I would argue that it paves the way to totalitarianism. This idea impedes an individual's ability to self-govern and accomplish real things in the real world by redistributing responsibility by externalizing the locus of control. It frees individuals and groups from the responsibility and consequences of their actions.

Free will is alien to minds colonized by victim narratives, and the triumph of the will over challenges large and small is considered impossible. If anyone succeeded, it must have been either luck or a fraudulent conspiracy.

But victimhood rarely leads to true openness about life's situations. Instead, it encourages what Nietzsche called slave morality: cowardice, passive aggressiveness, pathological consumption, and a parasitic demand for the goods and services of others to compensate for one's own powerlessness and discomfort. I will.

Modern mothers are no exception to the zeitgeist. We are all influenced by mainstream media and cultural discourse that encourages us to wallow in our own victimhood when things get tough. The nature of modern technology promotes passivity. And if you're not careful, you can get flustered.
Life isn't fair. No one will help me. My husband doesn't try hard enough for me. society It's not enough for me. My children don't do enough for me. There's no point in trying. Things never get better. This is too difficult.

It's plausible, and since selfishness is hardwired into humanity's genetic code, it's easy to indulge. Raising children in the current socio-economic climate is really difficult.

Sometimes our children, unresponsive to discipline or desperate requests for cooperation, scream incessantly from the entrance to the exit of the grocery store. Sometimes our husbands let us down. Our efforts can seem futile, and the “return” on a mother's investment remains, by definition, unknown for a very long time.

But in my experience, resisting the temptation to indulge in this kind of thinking has been indescribably important. Because these thoughts directly lead to passivity, despair, and consumerism.

We can confront and negotiate the problems of our own lives, and even the selfishness of others, without explicitly or implicitly identifying ourselves as victims. To resist, we must be in the driver's seat.

• Please stop complaining. This is a one-way road to victimhood. Recognize that no matter how disappointed others are, we are also letting them down. If you have to negotiate an issue, turn your words into action.
• Evaluate the situation objectively, And above all else, question the possibility. for action. If you look for it, you will find it. If you look for reasons to despair, you will always find them. If you want a reason to move forward, to reach higher, to go deeper, to look beyond, to love, and to be courageous, you will find them. This is a fundamental shift in mindset towards positive thinking and production rather than negative thinking and consumption.
• Find the courage to fail. We set goals by believing in the possibilities of actions and outcomes, but we choose our actions with the possibility of failure in mind. Observe objectively your role in the ratio of order and chaos in your life. Even if instant gratification is possible, how can you improve to improve?

consistency

An object in motion continues to move. Take this both literally and figuratively.

One of my previous essays describes how I became a better mother by retraining my brain to function like an athlete. In terms of mindset, this is completely in line with what I just wrote about victim mentality, and further emphasizes the importance of literal physical activity.

I cannot overstate how prioritizing my physical health by lifting heavy almost every day has added texture to my days and increased energy in all aspects of my life. There is no. This principle works equally well for physical as well as intellectual goals.

When you feel depressed or anxious, exercise is the antidote.
But how do you find the time?