The Wall Street Journal recently highlighted a shift among some parents away from what’s termed “calm parenting.” It’s an interesting topic—I’ve reflected on this before, and after reading the article, I got a few messages asking how I manage parenting my child. Honestly, I feel that this so-called “calm parenting” could potentially lead to issues down the line.
One example in the article was a mom who, after repeated pleas for her 13-year-old son to stop spraying water guns, finally lost her cool and pushed him into a pond. A friend jokingly wondered if I’d resort to similar measures when my kids act up. But it’s really not about whether water play is annoying. The bigger concern is the defiance—at 13, he should know better, right? Ignoring parental requests shouldn’t be tolerated. If children disrespect their parents early on, it can set a unhealthy pattern for their entire lives.
“Didn’t you think about how that would affect me?” When children don’t grasp the impact of their actions, it highlights a huge aspect of modern parenting that concerns many. Sometimes I do wonder about the dynamics of raising such children, especially when you see parents struggle with a disruptive child and resort to gentle words without any firm expectations. It’s frustrating. I often find myself wanting to intervene, tell that child directly that their behavior isn’t okay. But when I don’t, it feels like a missed opportunity.
Your child is essentially a reflection of your parenting. I believe that while it’s possible to practice calm parenting without anger, it doesn’t mean you can gloss over your frustrations. Their actions often mirror your guidance, and it’s vital for them to understand that bad behavior comes with consequences.
Discipline shouldn’t be equated with being cruel. It stems from a place of love, and it’s better for kids to learn about consequences in a caring environment than from strangers who may not have their best interests at heart.
Recently, I returned from a family trip to Washington, DC. We explored museums, dined out, and even visited the White House. Despite walking about 9 miles daily, the kids maintained their good behavior, which I believe is a result of clear, consistent expectations. We didn’t just allow them to “figure it out”—we enforced rules against bad behavior, balancing it with praise for good actions.
Strict parenting often gets labeled as harsh, but truly it’s only excessive when devoid of love or respect. My kids respect my authority—not out of fear of discipline, but because they recognize the consistency in our expectations. When they misbehave, I have a straightforward approach:
- Stop the behavior immediately. They need to learn that their actions have repercussions.
- Clearly explain why it was wrong. Consistent, immediate feedback allows them to understand the consequences of their actions.
- Reassure them of your love. Let them know you care about them while enforcing the rules.
There are certain behaviors I won’t overlook—like disrespect towards adults or running around in restaurants. My kids must communicate politely and cannot disregard the presence of adults. These rules help maintain order, regardless of the environment.
It worries me that softer parenting approaches might lead caregivers to believe they are fostering kindness by avoiding discipline. Without boundaries or clear “no” responses, children may grow up lacking respect for authority figures. In their quest to be friends rather than parents, many fail to instill necessary life lessons that could be crucial later.
I recognize I’m not a perfect parent. I’ve made mistakes and will continue to do so—after all, we’re all human. However, I’ve developed a clear framework for guiding my children in various situations, so they’re well-prepared. Gentle parenting can sometimes feel akin to sending a child into danger without proper tools. They can end up overwhelmed.
Nevertheless, balancing firmness with grace is crucial. You should never demonize a child—approach discipline from a place of love and support. In my experience, this style of parenting encourages trust, respect, and love. It’s about setting them up for success beyond just immediate situations.
If you have thoughts or questions, feel free to reach out. I can’t always respond, but I do my best to read them and appreciate the community we’re building together.
