Modern Singlehood: A Shift Among Young Women
Mandana Zargami, a 29-year-old, dedicated a considerable part of her twenties to being single. She shared that for four consecutive years, she intentionally chose not to engage in sexual relationships. This choice was, in part, influenced by the attitudes of men around her.
“I really don’t know what the heck happened,” Zargami, a proud resident of Miami, confessed. This shift highlights a broader “sex recession” in America, with Gen Z and Millennial women playing a notable role, yet many of them insist they’re perfectly fine with their choices.
Young unmarried women across the country are engaging in sex less than ever—not for traditional reasons like saving themselves for marriage, but rather due to frustration with the complexities of modern digital dating culture.
The Vow of Chastity that was popular among celebrities in the early 2000s seems to be getting a revival, with figures like Lenny Kravitz and Khloé Kardashian engaging in similar discussions about sexual restraint.
After experiencing several unsatisfactory relationships, Zargami grew weary of attracting emotionally unavailable men. This realization led her to believe that embracing her singlehood was the best path forward.
“As much as we want to point fingers at others, we must also consider our role in allowing certain individuals into our lives and accepting their behavior,” she articulated regarding her decision.
To redirect her romantic journey, she vowed to abstain from dating apps and any form of casual encounters for a full year. “The first months were incredibly tough because we, as humans, thrive on emotional connections,” she admitted.
However, what started as a single year turned into four. Committed to her pledge, she resolved to remain single until she found a serious partner.
After a temporary lapse last year with someone she deemed unworthy, Zargami is back on her no-sex journey, joining numerous women of her age who openly discuss their personal experiences and encourage others to reflect on their single lives.
Statistical data from the last couple of decades reveals a notable decline in sexual activity among young adults. Reports indicate that from 2010 to 2024, the number of 18- to 29-year-olds reporting no sexual activity increased dramatically, particularly among women.
Kayla Caputo, 29, from New Jersey, echoed similar sentiments. She feels that today’s hookup culture often overshadows genuine dating intentions. “It’s as if the main goal is just to hook up,” she reflected.
While Caputo has taken a break from sex, she maintains a history of being single. She expressed concern that sexual encounters can cloud her judgment about a partner’s true potential.
Though these women may not be diving into physical relationships anytime soon, that doesn’t imply they aren’t open to dating. In fact, many prefer to clarify their single status on dates, seeing it as a way to filter out less serious partners.
Caputo, for instance, confidently communicates her choices, stating, “When things begin to feel favorable, I say, ‘I’m not having sex with you.’” This straightforwardness not only empowers her but also saves time by eliminating men who seek only casual hookups.
Dating coach Erica Ettin supports this candid approach, noting that men often hold more respect for women who communicate their boundaries at the outset.
From a male perspective, therapist Daniel Lebowitz mentioned that what often drives men is the feeling of being valued, which can occur when they have to earn a woman’s attention through meaningful interaction.
Despite their current choices, these women remain open to exploring romantic connections that extend beyond physicality. Many find value in self-investment and nurturing friendships as they navigate their singlehood.
Emma Skaumaite, a 28-year-old travel nurse living in Norway, expressed relief in investing her energy in friendships rather than the pressures of dating apps. “It’s comforting to connect with others who are also single, allowing for deeper friendships without the distractions of casual relationships,” she said.
Additionally, many are discovering unexpected personal growth through singlehood. “I’ve learned so much about myself and what I want from relationships. My intuition has become sharper, allowing me to gauge others’ intentions more quickly,” Skaumaite shared.
