Today’s Status

Greetings, dear reader.

It’s Monday morning, and honestly, I feel like I’m more productive today than on Fridays.

Ah, the fourth quarter. This is when you really need to give it your all—leave nothing behind.

If your audience isn’t engaged on a Saturday morning, well, that means you didn’t push hard enough.

I’ll be tackling that today.

Three Yuge’s

• Two new blue anon theories

The Stephen Colbert show is officially cancelled, with its last airing scheduled for May 2026.

Just two months before the chaos America may face, it’s almost like a birthday gift in disguise.

Some conspiracy theorists think CBS, which is owned by Paramount, canceled Colbert to satisfy Donald Trump, especially after settling a $14 million lawsuit related to some questionable interview footage.

Another theory suggests Paramount wanted to pay off Trump by pursuing an $8 billion merger. Both ideas, though, don’t really hold much weight. Colbert himself didn’t even push the narrative that Trump was a Russian agent.

Colbert was more than a mere partisan figure; he became tedious in his approach. This news broke just after he had a chat with Senator Adam Schiff—need I say more?

The late-night scene is struggling. It’s not what it used to be under Letterman, which might explain why CBS hasn’t sought to find a replacement. Colbert really has overseen the decline of late-night television!

Speaking of potential bribery, $14 million? It feels like Trump is making moves even bigger than Japan’s Kamikaze Squadron. Imagine if he had Biden’s last name and the currency involved was yuan—that might make the figure seem more plausible.

A more realistic scenario is that CBS decided to resolve issues before any potentially damaging revelations from discovery could emerge, including internal communications.

In other news, recent reports have surfaced that Trump’s lobbying has managed to suppress damaging stories about him and his connections to Rupert Murdoch and Epstein.

Can you imagine the pressure? It’s almost like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Yet, when those stories broke, were they really that shocking? Not quite, I think.

No substantial evidence emerged—no videos or photos showing any misconduct.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump sent Epstein a birthday card, filled with a fictional exchange where he encourages Epstein to embrace “mystery.”

Even more bizarre, there was mention of a crude cartoon, supposedly signed by Trump, which adds another odd layer to this unfolding drama.

Honestly, I felt weirdly relieved yet intrigued. “Amazing Secret?” Really?

In response, Trump has demanded the release of testimony regarding Epstein. And dear reader, don’t hold your breath; you can bet the name will be redacted.

He’s also threatened legal action against the Wall Street Journal. Critics have pointed out that the paper barely attempts to verify Trump’s claims.

Remember the fiasco surrounding Ashley Biden’s diary? Many kept quiet because the claims were labeled “untested.” It’s fascinating how that works.

Currently, Rep. Dan Goldman alleges there are images of Trump with a woman on his lap at Epstein’s Palm Beach residence.

That doesn’t look good, and it might tie back to Trump. Whether those images exist or if the letter is authentic—I really can’t say.

But one thing for certain is that such attacks on Trump are nothing new.

Let’s hope you’re paying attention, dear reader.

• Shane Gillis Rises

Now let’s switch gears to some lighter news.

If you missed it, comedian Shane Gillis hosted the ESPYS. Let’s dig into that for a moment. Disney owns ESPN, so it’s notable they employed someone like Gillis to lead their annual sports awards.

Can you believe it?

No disappointment here.

He was brutally honest, even taking a jab at Megan Rapinoe.

“Megan Rapino isn’t here… good,” he quipped, and you could almost feel the discomfort in the audience.

Then he tackled the topic of equal pay in the WNBA, pointing out that most audience members likely didn’t know many players.

After he jokingly named a random player, the audience reaction was striking.

In the end, he made an interesting connection with Caitlyn Clarke, riffing on her future in a light-hearted way.

“When she retires, she’ll probably end up at Waffle House, continuing to pursue her passion.”

Oh boy, it seems humor is on the comeback trail. It’s almost like we’ve needed this all along. While the crowd might seem stiff, internally, they could have found it amusing or maybe even a bit embarrassing.

Regardless, such jokes make it clear—laughter is once again permissible.

Are these jokes potentially sexist or mildly offensive? Of course, comedy often walks that line. We unearth truths about ourselves in a way that can be both revealing and cathartic.

If you ask me, America, which tends to favor comfort zones, could do with a little more humor aimed at its shortcomings.

I suspect many feel the same.

What I’m Reading

Tim Waltz is apparently linked to a shocking assassination plot, according to claims from the suspect.

“Tim wanted me to kill you”: The murderer claims Waltz orchestrated the hit

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Fetterman’s wife is vocally opposing some of his decisions regarding immigrants.

Jill Biden as “Lady Macbeth” of America

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Meanwhile, Tim rides a longboard.

Exclusive: How Tim Burchett became a social media sensation