Dear Abby: Concerns About My Son
Our 23-year-old son, “Ed,” has always been in good shape—worked out regularly and paid attention to his health. Recently, he started going to the gym weekly.
However, Ed is now dating “Emily,” and I have some concerns about her. She seems quite different from him, possibly overweight at around 100 pounds, and there have been issues with her hygiene. There were times when she visited and didn’t shower for days.
To make matters worse, I’ve found Emily’s lingerie lying around on two separate occasions. Last week, I discovered her panties on the bathroom floor. I brought it up with Ed and mentioned this isn’t acceptable. I didn’t say anything the first time, but I felt it needed to be addressed. I told him, “You should talk to Emily about not leaving her underwear behind.”
It seems like Ed is changing, too. He hasn’t cut his hair in two and a half years, and he doesn’t show the same interest in working out as he used to. This isn’t how our family operates—my husband and I keep fit for our age (we’re in our 60s). Should I say something to Ed? It really feels like Emily is influencing his choices.– Not the same in the east
Response
Dear Not the Same: It’s important not to place all the blame on Emily for Ed’s changes. Remember, he is making those decisions himself. She might not have the best hygiene habits, but it’s a delicate situation. If you want to discuss it, maybe it would be better if your husband spoke to him—I think men sometimes don’t take those conversations as defensively.
I’m unsure if your son still lives with you or if he and Emily have their own place. If it’s the former, perhaps make that mess in the bathroom an issue for conversation. If they live separately, consider giving them some tips on how to keep their space clean.
Dear Abby: A Dilemma About My Marriage
My husband passed away three years ago after 56 years of marriage. Interestingly, we had two wedding ceremonies—one in Las Vegas and a more traditional one in California, four months later. No one knew about the first one because my Hispanic family wouldn’t have accepted it. Looking back, I think we were just young and naive. I was 19, he was 22. When we retired, we moved to Washington, where I still live now.
I have two grown daughters, and I’m debating whether they should know about this. I possess both the marriage certificates from Las Vegas and California, and I’ve always celebrated the latter as our main anniversary. Is it wrong to hide the Las Vegas certificate and take this secret to my grave? – I wonder about Washington
Response
Dear Wonder: I don’t view elopement as something shameful, especially for young couples genuinely in love. Your story is not “silly” at all. Everyone is entitled to their secrets, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. If you prefer to keep this to yourself, that’s entirely your choice. However, remember that the Las Vegas marriage license is a legal document. Instead of destroying it, it might be best to keep it secure until you pass on.
