Dear Abby Letters
Dear Abby: I’m a 50-year-old single mom, really close to my 20-year-old daughter, who isn’t in college. I haven’t dated in over a decade because I wanted to focus on raising her.
Recently, a 21-year-old guy reached out to me about a casual relationship. Here’s the catch: my daughter is somewhat tired of me dating someone that young, and to complicate matters, this guy was my student six years ago since I teach high school. Nothing inappropriate happened back then, but he was actually quite rude, which even led me to meet his mother. I get that this isn’t going anywhere serious, and honestly, I’m not looking for anything deep.
At this point in my life, I do want to go on a casual date. He lives a few hours away, so meeting won’t be frequent. I’m stuck on whether I should just go for it or if I’m being too cautious, considering what society might think. Should I keep it a secret from my daughter? — Uncertain in California
Dear Uncertain: While you could go ahead and date him, you might want to think about finding someone a bit older. I understand your daughter is 20, but she’s not a child anymore. Secrets tend to surface eventually, and it’s worth considering, before jumping into something that could lead to awkwardness for both you and her.
Dear Abby: I lost my son unexpectedly, and for a long time, I felt completely lost. There were days I couldn’t even leave the house because of my grief. Through time and counseling, I’m slowly starting to engage with the outside world again, though it’s a tough process.
A challenge I face is when I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while. They often ask how I’m doing, and when they realize my son has passed, they want to share their own stories of loss. I can’t handle these conversations without breaking down, and it often ruins my outings.
Is there a way to prevent people from approaching me like this? I know they mean well, but I can’t manage the same discussion repeatedly without making it unbearable. — For Groceries
Dear Grieving Friend: My heartfelt condolences go out to you regarding your son. When asked how you are, you might say, “I’m doing okay under the circumstances, but I’d prefer not to discuss it.” If they persist, steer the conversation elsewhere or excuse yourself if it becomes too much.
People often feel the need to share their own experiences of loss, thinking it provides comfort. However, this usually backfires. No one—especially those in grief—wants to hear, “I know exactly how you feel.” It’s important for others to avoid comparisons while trying to offer support.
