Dear Abby Letters
Dear Abby: I was diagnosed with colon cancer five years ago. After going through two surgeries and three hospital stays, I managed to recover. This experience made me realize it was time to downsize at age 62. So, I moved with my husband to a cozy, one-storey home in a pleasant retirement community.
Now, I’m dealing with incurable metastatic cancer, and I’m undergoing treatment to help prolong my life. It’s tough, and I worry about the toll it takes, both physically and emotionally. I’m trying to prepare my husband for the eventuality of my passing, but he doesn’t seem to want to face it. We’ve been married for 45 years, and while I’ve shared with my daughter where all the important documents are, I really wish he would take more initiative. How can I encourage him to engage in this? – Preparation in Nevada
Dear Preparation: You can’t really force your husband to take the lead on this. He might be feeling completely drained and overwhelmed at the thought of losing you after so many years together. He could be in denial or just having a hard time thinking about what comes next. It’s important that your daughter understands everything that needs to be done both before and after your passing. Try to be forgiving of your husband; he needs to process this loss in his own way.
Dear Abby: My friend “Jake” is going to be a groomsman at his friend’s wedding. They’ve been pals since childhood and have shared a lot of experiences. Jake has been in a serious relationship for over six months, but the bride has told him that he won’t be getting a plus-one invitation. She explained that only people who were in a relationship before the engagement will be invited.
This has left Jake and his girlfriend feeling quite embarrassed. He spoke to the groom about their feelings, but the bride is standing firm in her decision. I personally believe that wedding guests should, as a rule, be offered a plus-one when invited. Jake is upset knowing he’ll be celebrating his friend’s special day while his girlfriend is stuck at home. What are your thoughts? – Fair in Canada
Dear Fair: It’s not a hard and fast rule that every wedding invitation comes with a plus-one, but it’s certainly a nice gesture. Guests should feel as comfortable as possible, including members of the wedding party. Being asked to be a groomsman doesn’t mean one must accept the role if they’re not comfortable with the circumstances. Perhaps, in this situation, Jake might want to consider stepping back as a groomsman and simply attending the wedding without participating in the party.
Dear Abby was founded by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more, contact dear Abby at the website or PO Box provided.
