Advice Column

Dear Abby: My husband and I have two sons, “Seth” and “Jason,” who were the best of friends. Unfortunately, Seth passed away a year and a half ago, and it’s been really hard on all of us, especially Jason, who’s 17 and still in high school. He seems okay, but he tends to keep a lot to himself these days.

My sister’s son, “Matt,” is the same age as Seth. She suggested that he spend some time with us to help Jason. It’s nice of her, but honestly, I hesitate to have Matt around. He’s been getting into trouble—smoking pot, sleeping most of the day, and playing video games instead of focusing on school. I’m concerned about Jason being influenced by that behavior.

I mentioned to my sister that having too many kids around could be a problem, but she keeps insisting on Matt being there. Now she’s pushing for Jason to hang out with him. I’m not sure how to keep some distance without directly saying I think her son is a bad influence. — Bad plan in California

Dear Bad Plan: There’s really no need to point out your sister’s son’s issues. His situation isn’t great, and your son shouldn’t be exposed to that kind of environment unchecked. No one, including Matt, can fill the void Seth left. While your sister’s intentions are kind, you need to be clear about what’s best for Jason.

Another Dilemma

Dear Abby: I’m the oldest son in my family, and I’ve got a concern about my sisters. They seem to be financially relying on our mother, who is now struggling. None of them have solid jobs. When Dad was alive, he helped them by getting them housing, but there were no cash handouts.

Meanwhile, I’ve worked hard and managed to buy my own home. Mom has been paying for repairs at one sister’s place and even lent money to the other sister, despite her having no real income. She’s also covering monthly fees for one of their homes. This is adding up—potentially hundreds every month.

I’ve repeatedly told them to stop asking Mom for money. She’s a retired teacher, and her savings are pretty much gone. I’m really at a loss as to how to stop my sisters from taking advantage of our mother’s situation. — The disgusted son in Nevada

Dear Son: It seems that your sisters might be engaging in what could be seen as elder abuse. This is a serious issue. It’s advisable to consult a lawyer to help you figure out the best steps to protect your mother. The sooner you seek assistance, the better it will be for her future.