Dear Abby: My daughter, Violet, lives about two hours away. She and my wife, her mother, have never really seen eye to eye. Violet has always been a bit of a rebel, independent and, well, somewhat wild. This has led to quite a few issues in the family over the years. I also found myself drifting apart from Violet until we recently managed to reconnect.
Just yesterday, she emailed me, asking to join her for lunch to celebrate my birthday. When I mentioned this to my wife, her response was quite cold—she said, “Do what you want,” followed by, “You’ll regret it if you go.”
I tried, really tried, to bring my wife and daughter together, but it just hasn’t worked. My wife claims she loves Violet, but she admits she doesn’t really like her. Yet, she wants a better relationship. On the other hand, Violet holds her mother accountable for her PTSD—an unofficial diagnosis, I think—and she insists she wants nothing to do with her.
So now I’m stuck. Should I accept my daughter’s invitation and face my wife’s anger, or should I decline and risk pushing my daughter away again? – In the middle of New Jersey
Dear in the middle: Your wife shouldn’t use you as a pawn to punish your daughter. Violet could greatly benefit from therapy, especially if properly diagnosed. Before heading out for lunch, consider asking your doctor for a referral to a specialist in PTSD. During lunch, let Violet know you love her. But, it’s important to also mention that this division in the family isn’t healthy. Give her the doctor’s name; that might help her confront her trauma. Family counseling for the three of you could be another option.
Dear Abby: I recently reconnected with my first love from high school. Unfortunately, we both ended up married. Tragically, his wife passed away after struggling with cancer, and I found myself divorced as well. Throughout this time, we’ve been intimate and have tried to spend as much time together as we could, despite living in different cities.
It’s been eight months since we got back in touch, and things are feeling quite complicated. I’m starting to realize he might not be fully healed yet or ready to jump into another relationship. This is the third time in our lives we’ve tried to be together, and it hasn’t worked each time. I’m left wondering if I should move on or hold on a bit longer. I really need some guidance. – Those who escaped
Dear 1: Getting together for the third time does carry a certain appeal, especially since you’re both single now. However, you might need to wait until he has processed the loss of his late wife. It could be the right moment to have an honest conversation about your feelings and see if he’s on the same page. Just be sure to clarify whether this is a genuine connection or merely a rekindling of a teenage romance.
