Surrogacy Disputes and Grief: A Complex Situation

Bi recognized that her allegations might sound unbelievable. “If it weren’t for the solid evidence, it’s too shocking to believe [Rebecca Smith] could have done what she did to kill my son,” she shared on Facebook, directly naming Smith. Maybe a considerate friend could have gently suggested other possibilities to Bi. But, instead, she found herself in a legal battle and surrounded by supporters. On Facebook, both gestational carriers (GCs) and intended parents (IPs) showed their sympathy for Bi’s heartbreaking posts. Many felt that bad surrogates were out there, and from Bi’s perspective, it seemed like Smith fit that description. A fertility doctor and influencer, Aimee Eyvazzadeh, labeled Smith as both “a criminal” and “a psycho.” Bi’s attorney, Elizabeth Sperling, who charges $1,275 per hour, pondered whether examining social media could reveal any “strenuous activity” from Smith that might shed light on Leon’s death.

Meanwhile, Bi’s husband concentrated on maintaining stability for their family, a decision he credits as pivotal for their marriage. He placed the blame on the hospital rather than Smith and mentioned that the litigation served as “her grieving process.” He aimed to stay out of the legal matters to avoid being a target for blame himself.

Smith had intended to return to work soon after giving birth, but a prolonged bleeding incident prevented that. SAI had determined she didn’t breach the contract, yet payments stopped, leaving her dependent on disability benefits while bills piled up.

Finally cleared to return to her job a month after Leon’s death, Bi reached out to Smith’s HR department to inquire about her health insurance. She even reported Smith to a federal agency, accusing her of fraud. Smith was already under tremendous stress; her supervisor had recently found her tearful throughout an entire workday.

After an abrupt response to a condolence email, Bi suddenly contacted Smith, sharing a screenshot of another GC’s experience with an abruption at nearly 32 weeks—though that GC had called for emergency help and the baby had survived.

Things escalated further when Bi iMessaged a photo of Leon’s deceased body to Smith’s 7-year-old son’s iPad.

In the months following Leon’s passing, Bi took several actions:

• Called the FBI twelve times.
• Reported Smith, SAI, the hospital, and Clarity escrow to multiple state and federal regulators.
• Founded a new round of her $30 million venture fund backed by prominent investors, coinciding with Leon’s due date.
• Posted a ChatGPT-generated endorsement from Leon, suggesting he was granting his “eternal blessings” for her endeavors.
• Created a multitude of social media content aimed at advocacy.
• Disclosed Smith’s full name, photo, and personal details on her website.
• Repeatedly questioned her husband about how Smith could have carried their child yet felt “nothing” about his death.

Bi has had abandonment issues stemming from her twenties when her father left her mother for the woman who bore his much-desired son. After starting lithium for her bipolar disorder in early 2021, she began seeking surrogates once she felt more stable. I spoke with a therapist she had consulted regarding her situation. This therapist mentioned that of the 792 intended parents she evaluated over the past decade, only about a dozen were declined for surrogacy. “I’m not gatekeeping,” she emphasized, noting that it’s ultimately up to the parents to disclose any significant mental health issues. One of Bi’s fertility doctors remarked that he doesn’t find it his place to question intended parents; he trusts the psychological assessment.

Should an intended parent be turned down, they can typically find another therapist or clinic. However, without anyone challenging her plans, Bi felt a deep sense of betrayal regarding the complexities of third-party reproduction. “Surrogacy is supposed to be the safest route,” she remarked on Instagram. The turmoil arising from Leon’s death wasn’t the only factor driving her legal actions and social media activity; it was also the unsettling realization of lacking control over the life of her child growing inside another woman—perhaps the most fundamental aspect of surrogacy.