Dear Abby: Relationship Doubts
Dear Abby: I often feel a strong need to be in a relationship, yet when I’m by myself, I find myself feeling trapped, bored, and sometimes lonely. I’m a divorced mother, and I share a child with my ex. We’ve been divorced for 15 years, and my child just graduated from university.
In past relationships, partners have often told me that I struggle to connect with them emotionally. This has led to breakups, leaving me feeling utterly devastated. My instinct is usually to plead for a second chance, thinking that I might be the problem. But, as you can guess, one second chance usually leads to another, and in the end, unresolved issues still drive the relationship to an end.
My last two relationships each lasted around four years. I received feedback that I seemed uninterested in knowing their children or expressing vulnerability. This made them doubt my genuine interest, and, honestly, I found myself questioning why I was even with them.
From where I stand, my life as a single mother feels repetitive and, at times, pretty dull. I’ve also been dealing with perimenopause symptoms that have added to my struggles. It feels like I’m stuck in a cycle. How can I break out of this? – Lonely in the West
Dear Solitary: You’ve articulated what you seek in relationships, but it’s also crucial to consider what you contribute to them. A strong sense of safety and security is essential. It’s possible that your partners sensed your lack of emotional engagement. To shift this self-defeating pattern, I recommend speaking with a licensed mental health professional who can help you learn how to build a meaningful, lasting relationship.
Home Safety Concerns
Dear Abby: My husband and I are retired, living in a well-decorated two-storey house. Although it’s beautiful, some aspects need urgent attention for safety reasons. There are areas that require protection, and we need to install safety rails in two showers. We’ve also stopped using two bathtubs because we can’t get out without assistance, and there are no handrails on the basement stairs.
My husband thinks that fixing these issues is “no big deal,” but I believe it’s a serious concern for our aging process that needs urgent attention. We’re not fans of moving to assisted living, and we want to remain in our home as we get older. What do you think? Am I overreacting, or should I be addressing these concerns right away? – I want to do that in West Virginia
Dear Wish: You are right to be proactive. Remind your husband that it’s better to address these safety issues now rather than regret them later. If he’s open to it, encourage him to begin installing the necessary safety equipment as soon as possible.
