Trump Will Solve My Vietnam

I came across a piece in the New York Times that really grabbed my attention. It showcased a video essay about delivery workers in Washington, DC—those folks on mopeds hustling to deliver food. The title was something like “DC Delivery Worker Hiding from ICE.” The narration pointed out how, just a month after Trump took over DC, many visible workers seemed to disappear. Apparently, federal agents were detaining immigrants, whether or not they had work permits.

Honestly, it’s good to see action being taken. Since Trump started focusing on crime in DC, I’ve been saying that we need to address those reckless moped drivers. They hover around popular restaurants—just a short walk from where I usually report. Their driving is erratic; it’s like they throw traffic laws out the window. I can’t help but think it’s a miracle that no one has been seriously injured yet. I’ve seen more than a few cars get scraped by these moped gangs.

Speaking of gangs, I’m pretty convinced some of these drivers are part of criminal organizations. In New York, for instance, members of the Tren de Aragua group have used mopeds for drive-by robberies, targeting phones and wallets. There was even a Venezuelan moped driver who allegedly shot two NYPD officers during a routine traffic stop. It’s a messy situation.

What struck me about the New York Times video is how they didn’t even seem to question some of these stories. One interviewee didn’t have a valid work permit, yet they didn’t challenge that. They also didn’t seem puzzled by a woman wearing an ankle monitor in the video. Why was that? Isn’t it a bit strange to not dig deeper into that issue?

Of course, not everyone in DC feels the same way. Many want their easy access to delivery services like DoorDash, Uber Eats, and Grubhub. But I think we really need to consider our health—maybe those who’re too lazy to walk a few blocks for lunch should think about it.

So, thanks, President Trump, for helping make my commute a bit safer and less chaotic. Honestly, this feels like one of the best things you’ve managed since you fixed the water pressure in my shower!