Dear Abby
I lost my husband two months ago after a long illness. I loved him deeply, and while his passing was immensely hard, it wasn’t completely unexpected.
After the funeral, an old friend reached out with a proposition. He also lost his wife last year after a lengthy illness and understood my grief. We both dealt with losing our spouses after decades of marriage. We’ve talked about staying in touch and possibly dating, but I’m stuck. I feel like I gave my husband everything while he was alive, yet I don’t want to seem rude to him or my kids or my late husband’s family. Is it too soon? – Now ready in Texas
Dear Preparation: Grieving doesn’t follow a set schedule. I suspect I started processing my loss before my husband passed, but maybe jumping into dating two months later is a bit quick. Take your time to reconnect with friends. There’s nothing wrong with seeking comfort from someone who understands your situation. In six to nine months, it might feel more appropriate, and those who care about you will want to see you happy.
Dear Abby: My son is married and lives far away, so I try to visit my grandchildren a few times a year. I want to see them as much as I can. Sometimes, I stay in their home or rent an Airbnb. Here’s the thing: I’m a bit of a neat freak. When I’m at their place, I find myself cleaning up—washing dishes, scrubbing bathrooms, cleaning floors, polishing mirrors, and dusting furniture.
They’re often at work and don’t have much time for chores, so I usually ask if they mind that I tidy up a bit. They typically say yes, but recently I’ve sensed they feel my efforts imply their home is dirty. They’ve mentioned that cleanliness isn’t really a priority for them. So, I’ve decided to stop the cleaning when I’m there. Am I being too much? Do others do this too? – It’s neat in North Carolina
Dear Neatly: If cleanliness isn’t a priority for them, your help might not be appreciated as you intend. Yes, plenty of people clean up in others’ homes without permission. Given the circumstances, perhaps your assistance isn’t viewed as helpful but rather obsessive.
To those celebrating Rosh Hashana: The Jewish New Year begins tonight at sunset. During this time of reflection, I wish my Jewish readers a heartfelt “L’Shana Tova Tikatevu.” – Love, Abby
