Dear Abby: I had my DNA tested, and a young woman, someone I don’t know, reached out to me. Our DNA suggests a close connection—she said her mother wasn’t clear about her father. Apparently, her mom met a man in the early 1990s, and she was born later that same year. She asked if I trusted her uncle, and I recognize some relatives on the potential father’s side. I replied, telling her I’d get back to her.
After speaking with my brother, he confirmed her story about meeting her mother. Learning he has a daughter he didn’t know about is quite a shock for him, especially since he has a child and another on the way. He also has an adult daughter from a previous marriage. I haven’t responded to this woman yet; I’m waiting to see what my brother wants to do. What do you suggest I do about this situation? – Maybe Texas uncle
Dear Uncle: I suggest that you avoid becoming a middleman. Just tell the young woman that you’ll share her contact details with your siblings. From there, let them decide how to proceed.
Dear Abby: I feel like I have a persecution complex, and I can trace it back to my childhood. My mother often told me I was ugly. Recently, I faced some tough personal challenges—my sister, whom I took care of, had a massive stroke and passed away. I held onto resentment during her illness and often reminded her of past memories, not all of them good.
I recently came across an old family photo from when I was 10, featuring my older sister and my parents. When I showed it to a friend, her reaction shocked me. She exclaimed, “What an ugly family! Your mother is ugly and fat; your father isn’t attractive either!” She kept going on in that vein. Despite this, she is usually kind and generous.
I still feel ugly and can’t shake the comments she made. If we’re so unattractive, why does she want to be friends with me? We’re in our 60s now; beauty feels so irrelevant. But, when she asks why I haven’t changed much, how should I handle it? – Surprised in Florida
Dear Surprised: I’m sorry to say, but kind-hearted people don’t make hurtful remarks about their friends’ family appearances. Her comments were quite offensive, and feeling upset is a normal reaction. If she inquires about why you’ve been distant, you might mention how taken aback you were by her hurtful words about your family photos. Not everyone is blessed with conventional beauty, but many are admired for their inner kindness.
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, known as Jeanne Phillips, following her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more information, reach out to dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
