Dear Abby: Friend’s Language Problem

Dear Abby,

I often chat with my lifelong friend, “Cheryl.” We have weekly catch-ups where she shares the sadness of mutual friends with a lot of excitement. It’s almost like she gets animated when discussing these stories.

Cheryl even talked about her mother, who came back into her life after being absent for over 50 years. It’s sad, really—her mother has dementia now. Interestingly, it seems that Cheryl may have picked up some of her outreach language from her mother.

However, when we meet face-to-face, Cheryl doesn’t speak that way. It’s just during our phone calls. I’ve had a similar experience with another friend, “Louise,” who tends to use political discussions to vent her frustrations. She gets so upset that I eventually blocked her number. Louise is 78 and struggles with alcoholism, unlike Cheryl and me—we’re both in our mid-60s.

Feeling uneasy, I decided to text Cheryl and ask her to tone down her language. Growing up with a father who cursed frequently, I had promised myself I wouldn’t adopt that style of speaking.

I sent my message without any harshness. Now, though, I’m left wondering: how can I repair this friendship, or is it too late? – Up and down Ohio

Dear Up and Down,

You felt uncomfortable with Cheryl’s language, so it was appropriate to express your feelings about it. If she’s blocking you now, there’s little you can do to change that on your end.

Regarding your other friendships, I believe people who insult others generally aren’t very kind.

Dear Abby: A Party Dilemma

Dear Abby,

I have a neighbor named “Sheila.” Every year, she throws a huge party well before Halloween, and she’s already sent out invitations for this year’s Big Day celebration.

The issue is, I haven’t formulated any plans for that day, and I feel pressured to attend her gathering. I’d prefer to keep my options open, whether it’s spending time with family or joining another event.

The party kicks off at 7 PM, and by midnight, I find myself drained from all the socializing. I tend to enjoy smaller gatherings where conversation flows easily.

Sheila is very observant and keeps track of who comes and goes, so it’s hard to be discreet about skipping the party.

I wouldn’t mind attending for a bit, but anything longer feels exhausting. Any suggestions? – Florida Box Inn

Dear Box In,

You are not obligated to participate in things that don’t appeal to you. The invitation isn’t a strict obligation.

Consider discussing your situation with Sheila. Let her know your plans are uncertain and that you’re still deciding how to spend the day. Promise to keep her updated once you have more clarity.