Charlie Calkins bided his time, waiting for the stars to align, for the right woman to enter his life. But that moment never came, so he took matters into his own hands and decided to become a father anyway.
Welcome to America, 2025—a place where marriage is viewed as optional, like a toll you can choose to bypass. In this landscape, fatherhood has morphed into a consumer choice, prompting concerns that children may become mere extensions of their parents’ ambitions.
Yet, the pressing question around modern masculinity isn’t about how to become a father without a wife. It’s more about how to become a man deserving of marriage.
The Atlantic shared Calkins’ experience at an event celebrating this phenomenon, framing it as a positive evolution—a supposed solution to the so-called crisis of masculinity. But, is it really progress? It seems to be taking us in the opposite direction.
Motherless by design
The men in this narrative aren’t those who became single fathers due to loss or desertion. They’re individuals who intentionally chose to create families without a mother. It’s not an accident; it’s a calculated decision—not born of misfortune, but rather of a selfish desire. These men, so averse to commitment, would rather hire a surrogate than enter into marriage. Their reluctance to engage with the challenges of family life leads to the unfortunate reality of orphaned children from the get-go.
And the science here is clear. Single-parent households create chaos, generating issues that ripple throughout society. They’re linked to crime, academic struggles, and psychological issues far too significant to overlook.
Boys growing up without fathers are statistically more likely to join gangs, face incarceration, or die young. Fatherless girls often find themselves as teen mothers, repeating cycles before they have the chance to break free.
A mother’s absence leaves deep scars. Boys without maternal guidance often struggle with anger and feelings of being lost. The lack of a mother’s love can lead them to be restless, reckless, and filled with resentment. Daughters, deprived of maternal role models, run the risk of falling into depression, self-destructive behaviors, and identity crises.
Broken home, broken lives
The consequences are dire, with bloodshed a common outcome. We’ve seen mass shootings committed by individuals who come from broken families—like the trans shooter in Minnesota or Adam Lanza from Sandy Hook. A troubled home often produces troubled individuals, some of whom grow up to inflict harm on others.
In contrast to The Atlantic’s portrayal, these “single fathers by choice” have not resolved the issue of masculinity; instead, they exemplify it. Genuine masculine leadership fosters communities rather than turning family life into a mere transaction. Marriage is not just a preparatory step; it’s crucial training for parenting—essential for developing the ability to prioritize others over oneself.
Formation through experience
A man who opts out of marriage misses out on vital character development. He chooses the quick-and-easy route to fatherhood, bypassing the hard work and commitment that come with building a family. Can’t find the right partner? Just rent a womb. Struggling with relationships? Simply remove that requirement. Think commitments are overly complex? Engineer the situation until it’s simple.
However, families cannot be engineered. They are built through trials, conflicts, reconciliations, and the countless moments of choosing partnership repeatedly. Children need to witness that—both perspectives are essential. They require the stability of parents bound together by more than just biology.
These “single fathers by choice” are avoiding maturity. They seem to have discovered a shortcut through human nature, acquiring what they desire without actually growing up. Unfortunately, it’s the children who will ultimately bear the consequences.
Imagine what that child might look like two decades from now. Sitting in a therapist’s office, grappling with an inability to articulate feelings of abandonment. He might struggle to reconcile his father’s desire for parenthood with his own unmet emotional needs. “But my father wanted me so much,” he might say defensively. Yes, he did; he worked tirelessly…but at what cost? Learning to love a partner, committing to mutual growth, and creating a real family instead of a mere arrangement.
The true question facing modern masculinity isn’t just about being a father without a wife. It centers on how to become a man deserving of a wife. How do we embark on the work of partnership, crafting something bigger than ourselves, and ensuring stability for future generations?
Choosing single fatherhood cannot meet this challenge; rather, it capitulates to it and promotes a cultural shift that poses real dangers for society.
Building a responsible structure
For centuries, the bedrock of a healthy society has been the marriage between a man and a woman. This bond established a framework of responsibility linking men to family duties and women to the security of partnership—a structure essential for raising children.
Over time, this foundation has weakened, initially through the normalization of divorce, then through redefining marriage itself, moving from cultural abstractions to same-sex marriages and adoptions. Each step has demoted foundational elements from must-haves to optional, while promoting alternatives as rights. Marriage is no longer a cornerstone of family life but a lifestyle choice, easily accepted or dismissed. The consequences are stark; children raised without two committed parents inherit a legacy of trauma generationally.
The real discussion isn’t whether single parents can embody heroism; many do. What we must ponder is the outcome when society normalizes broken families and labels it as progress. When exceptions become the standard, everyone pays the price.
