Dear Abby: My neighbor is 80 and we couldn’t be more different politically. She’s known me since I was 13, and lost her husband about a decade ago. These days, she spends her time inside, glued to the news, even when it’s nice out. I try to be friendly because she’s likely lonely and maybe a bit down, but sometimes I just want to scream at her.
I borrowed $40 from her, promising to return it the following day. Unfortunately, it took two days for my paycheck to come through. When I finally saw her the next day, she snapped, asking, “Where’s my money?” I explained, apologized, and gave it back. It just makes me feel, well, a little frustrated.
I do like checking in on older folks, but sometimes they can be really grumpy, which makes me want to keep my distance. My mom lived to 89 and was never like that. What gives with some of these older people? — new jersey neighbor
Dear Neighbor: It seems you’re dealing with a classic case of communication breakdown. When you borrow money, especially from someone older, they might worry if you delay repayment. Remember, blaming them for their reactions doesn’t help either of you.
Dear Abby: I’m in my middle years and have a friend who just doesn’t get social cues. I previously mentioned that our friend “Michelle” was being toxic toward my family. She quickly brushed it off, saying it was my issue. After that, I distanced myself from both of them for a while.
Then, unexpectedly, she emailed me wanting to get all three of us together for lunch. At that moment, my mother-in-law had just passed away, so I didn’t reply right away. The next day, she pressed for an answer since lunch was approaching. I felt I just couldn’t join them right now; it felt wrong somehow.
How do I distance myself from these oblivious women? If I keep saying I’m busy, they’re bound to ask again. They also love to have holiday meals with their partners, which is just draining for me. Any guidance would be appreciated. — Retirement in Pennsylvania
Dear Separation: You have some choices in how to navigate this. You could keep saying you’re busy and avoid specifics about your schedule. Alternatively, you could tell them directly that you no longer enjoy these gatherings and want to step back.
Dear reader: Can you believe it? Daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. on Sunday for most. If that’s you, don’t forget to set your clocks back an hour tonight. And while you’re at it, check that your smoke detectors and carbon monoxide alarms have fresh batteries. — Love, Abby
