Dear Abby
Letter 1: My sister isn’t very generous. And, honestly, her gift choices often leave a lot to be desired. Sometimes, I think it would be better if she just didn’t give anything at all. For instance, she recently visited and brought her 4-year-old a toy car from a garage sale, which is fine, but one of the wheels was broken. She mentioned something about fixing it with glue, but, of course, she never did. After she left, we tried to fix it, but it turned out to be completely beyond repair, which really disappointed our son.
This isn’t an isolated incident. She’s given clothes that were too small, or, let’s just say, not in great condition. Toys have arrived late or when the kids have already outgrown them. It’s not about the cost; she’s actually the director of a large law school, so she has the means to buy decent gifts. I’ve brought this up a few times, asking her not to bring presents anymore, but she always brushes it off, saying she loves seeing the kids open her gifts. Someday, my kids will figure out that her behavior is odd, but I really want it to stop for now. Am I being unreasonable? — Western Gift Crack
Response: You’re definitely not in the wrong here. It seems your sister is a bit out of touch. And you’re right; soon enough, your kids will notice that her gifts are not just inappropriate but also broken or dirty, and they’ll lack any thoughtfulness related to their interests.
One way around this could be to avoid her visits during birthdays or holidays, or maybe even discreetly remove the unsatisfactory gifts before your children see them.
Letter 2:
Dear Abby: I renovated my house last year, and now the south-facing roof is ready for solar panels. There’s a utility company incentive program to help with costs, but it only lasts six more months.
The only obstacle is a tall, old tree next door that’s shading the roof. The tree has some cracks and has partly fallen over the years. The previous owner had to fix windows and gutters due to fallen branches in storms.
The current owners are a young couple with a small baby. We’ve exchanged friendly waves in the driveway, but we don’t know each other well. Is it too forward to ask if I can pay to have their tree taken down? People can be sensitive about their property, but they might appreciate not having to cover the costs themselves.
I’d like to keep the project moving while maintaining a good relationship with them. What do you suggest? — Upgrade in North Carolina
Response: Given that you have a friendly rapport with your neighbors, it shouldn’t be seen as rude to mention the tree issue. Framing it as a concern—especially since it has previously caused costly damage to your property—might help. You should mention how the cracks pose a potential risk, especially for small children, and offer to cover the removal costs.
