Advice Column Insights

Dear Abby: I’ve been married for 38 years, and we have three grown children and four grandchildren. There have been moments when I wondered if my husband stayed with me out of obligation or because he had a young woman pregnant years ago. After my first child was born, I often thought about whether I should have moved on. I’ve built a life that I’ve mostly tolerated, so I’m seeking advice from someone with experience in many situations. — New Jersey Anxiety

Dear Restless Readers: Considering a divorce now could jeopardize the family bonds you’ve cultivated. Is the pain and cost really worth it? Once you have your “freedom,” what do you plan to do with it? Speaking with a qualified counselor might provide some clarity. Listing the reasons to stay in the marriage versus those for leaving might give you valuable insight, too. After sitting with it for a few days, review your thoughts. No one has a perfect life, but if you are genuinely unhappy, it’s never too late to make a change.

Dear Abby: I’d appreciate your thoughts on a personal issue. I tend to curse a lot—a habit I’ve had for a long time, growing up in a household where swearing was norm. I managed to hold back around kids for years, but it has worsened as I’ve gotten older. I’ve tried using different words, but now that I’m in a new community, it’s back. How can I stop? Should I consider hypnosis? I’m open to any suggestions. — Cursed in Michigan

Dear Cursed Ones: It could be useful to explore the reasons why old habits resurface. Is the adjustment to a new community affecting you? People often curse when they experience stress or frustration. If that’s the case, learning ways to reduce stress might help you manage it better.

Dear Abby: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about four months, and I’m thinking about telling my mom about him. The issue is that when we were kids, he said something hurtful, and she got upset with him. Now she dislikes him because of it. My friends and I see how he’s changed. What should I do? — More Growth in Missouri

For those of you who are more mature: Take your time. Avoid making a big announcement to your mom about your relationship right away. Instead, casually share the positive changes you’ve noticed in him, how he’s trying to be better. People generally socialize in groups, so it shouldn’t be surprising to her that he’s become part of yours. It might make it easier on her if you wait a month or two before discussing your relationship.